Who is Suzy Favor Hamilton?

Suzy Favor is a name I never knew until I read the Smoking Gun’s story about how the former Olympian doubles as a Vegas prostitute in her spare time. I still don’t really know who she is because, like most of you, I don’t spend a lot of time watching “middle distance” events in the Summer Olympics, but I’m now starting to wonder if any one of my friends have ever slept with her. It’s feasible, given her profession and the lewd nature of a few of my friends.

All that aside, there are a lot of hilarious videos about Ol’ Suzy on the internet that are made much funnier given the recent discovery of career as a trollop. It seems like Ms. Favor thinks of herself as a pretty important/powerful woman in the world, which is why she did things like speak to kids at Wayland Academy in 2010 despite being a harlot in her spare time:

Maybe she’s one of those people who finds being a prostitute empowering. Who am I to say – after all, I’ve never been a prostitute. Still she apparently has allowed numerous men to defile her while she pretends to like them, and all she gets out of it is a few bucks and a whole lot of shame, But yeah, empowering could be the word, I guess.

Let’s dive deeper. She was once sponsored by Nike, which means that she probably wasn’t hurting for money and therefore didn’t need to whore herself out for $600 an hour to businessmen who were just “looking for a good time.” In 2009 – or at least that’s when this video was uploaded – she did an ad for Nike in which she’s getting ready to go out (most likely whoring, I would imagine) and her house gets broken in to by Jason (the serial killer). Because she’s in terrific shape (both from being an Olympic athlete and doubling as a prostitute), she is able to get away from Jason and outrun him. The part that they don’t show you is when she doubles back and has sex with him.

Did you know that Suzy – just in 2010 – was inducted into the National Federation of High School Associations Hall of Fame? Well she was! Some fat, young gentleman escorts down the aisle initially, which she only charges $300 for, and then she speaks about her values! She seems to leave out the part about her being a streetwalker when she’s not running…

There are also numerous videos of her preparing fingerling potatoes  - I have no idea why – but all of them have been removed because people on YouTube can’t restrain themselves from making deviant comments. So there you have, ladies and gentlemen. If you’re like me, you still have only a very, very small idea of who Suzy Favor is. But you know that she is a high-end strumpet in Las Vegas who occasionally gave speeches to school-age children about how to live their lives. I’m not my high-horse here, because I truly couldn’t care less. I’m sure worse people have spoken at college graduations before. In fact, I’d probably pay to see her speak. But it is still really funny.

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