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True Losers and Costs of the NBA Lockout

With NBA billionaires haggling with NBA millionaires, there is gridlock on the negotiating front for professional basketball. Some care, while others are happy to see it burn. Regardless, there’s no denying that some jobs and businesses are going to be affected by the lockout, and we’re not just talking about the guy with the funny shirt slinging beers in Section 112.


Whether you are Ralph’s Pawn Shop or an Eastern European arms deal, this NBA lockout has severely cut down on your clientele. Players who used to pack heat everywhere they went, including the locker room, are now stuck without a paycheck, and could be rolling out to the club naked with no trademark piece.

Defense Lawyers

Good thing defense attorneys found out Jerry Sandusky likes to “horse around” in the shower, as their number of clients to represent may go down with the work stoppage. While it’s doubtful that the NBA’s top citizens will stop getting into legal trouble, it is probable that they won’t be able to afford the top shelf lawyers who will claim that the running over of an innocent pedestrian was all “a huge misunderstanding.”

Gentleman’s Clubs

The NBA lockout may be the worst thing for the adult entertainment industry since some cities instituted the moat around the dancing stage. Gold clubs, private escorts, and the like are all probably taking a hit in NBA cities, as some of their most loyal patrons are probably having to cut down on the number of nights they can “Make it rain on b***h!”


When you are young, super loaded, and first-time rich, you need a big dude to become a glorified babysitter when you go out and act a fool. Unfortunately, the lack of a paycheck may keep the body guards at home and some of the players unsupervised. Don’t worry, I’m sure the thought of David Stern calling players into the principal’s office will influence them to do the right thing.

VIP Bottle Service

Nevin Shapiro is locked up, and now the NBA is locked out? Those $150 bottles of Gray Goose are going to be tough to sell. And what section are we going to let the underage girls into? This is becoming a bigger problem than the clubs can handle, and pretty soon some of the players may have to start mingling with some of us low-class common folk.

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