Lance Armstrong finally confessed to doping throughout his highly decorated cycling career during an interview with Oprah Winfrey on Thursday night. The cringeworthy, awkward admission fell flat in just about every way imaginable, and did little more than reinforce what everyone already kind of knew: this guy is a narcissistic jerk.
If Armstrong had come clean at any point before viciously and mercilessly attacking those who chose to challenge his cleanliness as a cyclist and general sainthood, maybe the faux contrition he displayed with Oprah would have earned him some brownie points. Perhaps if he had come clean a decade ago, acknowledging that he cheated but pointing out how much good that cheating did for cancer survivors all over the world, the reaction he would have received from the general public might've been different.
At this point, though, nobody really cares anymore.
When it was all said and done, Armstrong’s interview with Oprah proved to be exactly what she promised it would be. The confessions made were all pretty honest; at the same time, you could tell that every word of every sentence that the 41-year-old uttered had been rehearsed with a well paid legal staff beforehand.
Oprah asked Armstrong the following, point blank: did you take banned substances, did that include EPO, did you do blood doping/transfusions, did you use testosterone, cortisone and human growth hormone, and did you take banned substances or dope to earn all your Tour de France wins?
The answer to every single question was yes.
Not that there was any real debate, but that definitely settled things once and for all. This guy was everything his critics said he was, except worse.
Did any of what he was doing feel wrong, Winfrey asked him at one point.
''No,'' Armstrong replied. ''Scary.''
''Did you feel bad about it?''
''No,'' Armstrong replied. ''Even scarier.''
''Did you feel in any way that you were cheating?''
''No,'' Armstrong paused. ''Scariest.''
The whole thing was just embarrassing. Between that and his ''I went and looked up the definition of cheat and the definition is to gain an advantage on a rival or foe. I didn't view it that way. I viewed it as a level playing field” rationalization, Armstrong humiliated himself about as much as humanly possible on Thursday night.
At the end of the day, the best thing about Armstrong deciding to sit down with Oprah isn’t that we finally get the truth, it’s that we can finally start ignoring this guy. He confessed. His conscious is clean. He has been stripped of all his victories and medals. He is officially a punch line.
Let’s move on.