Dwight Howard is Claiming the Orlando Magic Blackmailed Him

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So Dwight Howard decided, on his own, that he was going to stay in Orlando and play out the rest of his contract or get traded at next season’s deadline. The Magic fired my absolute boy, Stan Van Gundy, in the hopes that Dwight would see this as a sign that the team intends to do everything in its power to build the organization in the likeness of something he would see fit to grace with his presence.

Both parties, knowing full well that he was probably gone at the end of the upcoming season, were in agreement on this. It was like a couple deciding to get back together just to end out the lease on their apartment with the realization that nothing would change. And even after some great performances (sexually in the couple’s case and a few 40/20 nights in Dwight’s), the two would part ways under the guise of staying friends and the garbage line of “it was mutual.”

Now Dwight Howard is saying that he was blackmailed, which is something a complete lunatic would say. How he got “blackmailed” out of a conference call in which the Orlando GM said that if Howard didn’t waive his early termination clause he would be traded, is beyond the realm of comprehension of anyone who doesn’t stand on their porch in their underwear every morning, hate-speaking the local robin population.

In Dwight Howard’s convoluted mind, the Magic blackmailed him because they dared to entertain the notion that they could trade him to a team he didn’t want to play for. Imagine the balls on them to think that they could trade a player who was contractually theirs, to whatever team they saw fit.

No matter what happens, he will eventually end up in Brooklyn. Whether that’s after a quick stop in Houston or after a dinner date in Los Angeles, it’s basically a foregone conclusion. The Magic will exhibit him to the potential suitors in what one can only imagine will be something along the lines of The Bachelor, complete with a televised special in which hopefully Howard will present the winning team with a rose. Let’s pray the Nets win because I can’t imagine what kind of murder scene Prokhorov would create. It would be like that quote from Man on Fire:

“Creasy’s (Prokhorov’s) art is death…and he’s about to paint his masterpiece.”

In all seriousness, the thought of Howard going to Los Angeles (which Adrian Wojo-whatever the hell is name is has been reporting as an actual possibility) is absolutely terrifying.

Although Howard isn’t AS polished on the offensive end as Andrew Bynum, he’s head and shoulders above him in every other aspect of playing the center position. Kobe would actually be able to reach Howard, and I think there would be a lot more trust down low than with Bynum. Who we all know has the tendency to take some plays , er, games off.

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