Please Stop Reading So Much into These NFL Training Camp Stories

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Did you know that Chad Ochocinco is in the best shape of his life? So is Randy Moss! So are those three back-up guards that haven’t made much of an impact the past three seasons, but are now ready to contribute.

Jacob Tamme has looked “crip” in cone drills and Colt McCoy has re-dedicated himself to the game after he spent the offseason listening to Pantera and carving Chinese symbols into his forearms.

Eric Steinbach spent the winter apprenticing as a gypsy in Mexico, and it’s helped him be lighter on his feet. Now he’s the quickest guard on the Dolphins roster, only no one can trust him because of his gypsy past. It’s dividing the locker room into factions, and it could be detrimental to the team’s success this season.

“I’m just going to keep being a gypsy, and keep playing football,” Steinbach told the Miami Herald

Jesus Christ, cut the BS already huh? We can’t learn things from training camp. Beat writers for every team need to come out with stories every single day for the next month in order to fill the paper, so they search for storylines that aren’t really there. They just try to find a story, and if they can’t find anything that has any real value, they have to run something anyway. So that’s why we get a bunch of stuff about how guys who have been in the league for 10 years are suddenly in the best shape of their lives, or why we find out that a players’ wife’s yoga instructor is the reason behind his increased flexibility and ability to hold a block.

It means absolutely nothing. Once upon a time, my dad fell in love with a tight end the Patriots drafted in the seventh round named Arthur Love. Scouts said he had some of the same tools as former Pats great Ben Coates. Then the early reports at training camp were good, and my dad was hooked. He kept telling his sons to watch out – Arthur Love was going to be a factor.

You know what happened to Arthur Love? Neither do I – that’s the point. The Pats cut Mr. Love somewhere during camp, my dad was forced to carry on with a broken heart and the name Arthur Love was never brought up again in any actual football conversation except in my family when we wanted to bust my dad’s balls about his otherwordly scouting ability.

Camp is cool because it means that football is back. Once depth charts are released, or we find out who is the expected starter at a certain position, that’s cool too because it helps us fantasy football wise and it helps us get a little bit of an idea of what direction the team is going in.

That’s the useful stuff from training camp, from a fans perspective. Tell me who is going to playing where. Everything else is either opinion, completely irrelevant information or just made up BS.

Just to prove it, I typed in to Google “NFL, best shape of his life.” And….

Here’s a story about Martellus Bennett (who?)

Here’s a story about Fangio Brooks (who?)

Here’s a story about Michael Jasper (who?)

Here’s a story about Antonio Gates

Training camp has only been going for a week. Let’s get the season going, then we can actually figure out who is good and who isn’t. Second-hand tales from beat writers looks to captivate an audience with embellished storylines is not helping anybody.

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