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Cold Weather NFL Fans to New York/New Jersey: We Hate You

What? I’m just saying what every football fan from a cold weather city is thinking. You’re annoyed as balls that the NFL has decided to break its own rules for the Big Apple, by allowing a Super Bowl to be played in what could potentially be 30-20 degree weather and maybe even…(gasp!)…snow!

That’s right Philadelphia; once again your big brother to the North has pulled a Chet from “Weird Science” by being the living, breathing pile of dung that continues to crap all over you.

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It’s not just the Philadelphians, Bostonians, and Cheeseheads of the world rolling their eyes at you, New York. Folks in the South hate you too for this. Atlanta last hosted a Super Bowl (in a Dome mind you) back in 2000. An ice storm hit the city that same weekend. The Super Bowl committee has given the cold shoulder to Hotlanta ever since. But good ole New York, well, they had a fancy new stadium and the fact that they’re New York going for them. I guess that was enough. Piss on every other northern city that’s been crying for decades about never getting to host a Super Bowl while the state of Florida annoyingly enough finds itself in the running every year.

Sidebar: I personally could care less. You see, I’m from New Orleans and we always get Super Bowls so no complaints here. Plus, I’d sit in the fiery pits of hell (and did considering this year’s game was in Miami) to watch my Saints play in a Super Bowl. I’d watch them play in the snow, too. No sweat off my back…literally. I say if you can’t take the cold, stay out of the stadium, pansy! But it’s the poor schmucks from all these other northern locales that I pity. Pittsburgh needs love, too! But, the NFL is based in New York. New York is the number one TV market. And let’s face it, New York (and sadly New Jersey by default) is just the damn cool kid who gets everything he wants, including the hot car and head cheerleader, because well, he’s just damn cool. There’s no getting around it. It’s like trying to be mad at Leonardo Dicaprio or Beyonce or Zach Morris. You just can’t do it because deep down inside, under the layers of envy, you adore them just as much as everyone else…and you hate yourself for it.

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So congratulations New York/New Jersey. Not only will you get a Super Bowl in 2014 but you’re our official D-bags of the week. May you burn your asses on your heated seat cushions while snot drippings freeze to your face.


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