Mississippi State 45, Arkansas 14
Good news, Arkansas fans, you only have to watch your team fall further in the turnover margin category for one more week. Then it's on to the exciting world of a coaching search that, GOD WILLING, will feature Tommy Tuberville, Butch Davis, Dave Wannstedt, and a mystery candidate that only a few message board posters know, but won't tell you because their brother-in-law could lose his source connection if they tell anyone.
Once upon a time, I had no feelings either way for Arkansas, but that all changed when Ole Miss hired Houston Nutt and they spent every third breath ignoring their team and instead besmirching Nutt and Ole Miss. So the collapse of Bobby Petrino and this season has been an absolute delight to watch. And it was made even better when I realized that what I watched on Saturday, those people were watching for the 11th time this season.
Just a hot casino buffet garbage of a team. I am truly sad they only have to watch that one more time this year.
LSU 41, Ole Miss 35
Pro tip for all those teams out there looking to pull off an upset: Probably for the best that you don't throw three interceptions (two off of dropped passes), muff a punt, and give up a punt return for a touchdown, all of which gives 20 points to a heavy favorite and makes their work for the win much, much easier. In fact, in the time it took you to read that sentence, Korvic Neat dropped two passes, muffed four punts, and didn't catch nine punts, then watched as the ball rolled and cost Ole Miss another 20 yards in field position.
Korvic Neat isn't to blame for losing this game (HE CERTAINLY DIDN'T HELP THOUGH), that's me just being angry at Ole Miss' consistent ability, no matter who the coaches or players are, to always, always, always make the easy stuff hard. We had very few problems moving the ball and scoring against one of the best defenses in the country, but basic stuff like catching punts, not dropping passes, and not being a complete wreck on special teams, well, that's IMPOSSIBLE FOR US.
Some of it has to do with the players we have to play, as 59 healthy (or semi-healthy) scholarship players is always not a good time. Though, SURELY we have someone who is minimally skilled at just catching punts, which would be a billion percent improvement over what we have.
But mostly it has to do with the fact that we're Ole Miss and, until the end of days, will always do stuff like this. Coaches and players do not matter, it's what's on the side of that helmet and the color of the jersey. And the most depressing part of it all is that IT CAN'T BE FIXED. No amount of talent, practice, or coaching genius will ever change our ability to shit the bed at the worst possible moment.
Oh, and sports gods, double-fist-shake-at-the-sky to all of you. A 5-5 team with little depth playing the number 7 team in the country in their stadium and you keep us in the game despite 4 turnovers and giving up a punt return for a touchdown. A 21-point loss would have been too easy I suppose. I can only imagine the system shock you're cooking up for Saturday, as you snatch away bowl eligibility in the final minutes.
Syracuse 31, Missouri 27
GOOD JOB, GOOD EFFORT, MISSOURI.
Vanderbilt 41, Tennessee 18
And with that, the Derek Dooley era comes to a close. Sadly, we never got to see Dooley and Tyler Bray square off in an arena of battle (you know it happened behind the scenes), but I imagine a fight between them would be a fight in which Dooley should win, yet finds a way to lose, while Bray throws 57 punches and lands only 12, hitting two bystanders in the process.
I should also recognize that this game wasn't Tennessee losing a game it had a chance to win, it was Vanderbilt kicking the orange-coated shit out of Tennessee. Which, if you hate Tennessee (WHO DOESN'T), was simply wonderful to see.
Now begins a coaching search which will hopefully drag on well into December because ALL THE PAIN FOR TENNESSEE. However, one candidate has already removed himself from consideration from a job in which everyone reading this has the same chance of getting.
David Cutcliffe, of wasted Ole Miss talent and lazy recruiting fame, announced last night that he was staying at Duke, so please don't call. Tennessee athletic director Dave Hart responded with a "who?" and a staffer mentioning something about an old Fulmer disciple.
By the way, since beating North Carolina a few weeks ago to get bowl eligible, which began the sports writer gasbagging of "so happy for Cutcliffe after what happened to him at Ole Miss", Duke has lost three straight and has been outscored 146-51. So it's good to see that even at another school, his teams roll over and die when November starts.
Also, as I yammered on about here, let's hope the Jon Gruden rumors are true.
Double Your Paycheck Picks
Week: 1-3 (.250)
Season: 46-41-1 (.522)
2012 Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Quarterbacking Failure Leaderboard
Awarded to the SEC quarterback who throws the most interceptions during the regular season
1. Bo Wallace 13
2. Tyler Bray 12
2. Tyler Wilson 12
4. Kiehl Frazier 8
5. Aaron Murray 7
5. James Franklin 7
5. Connor Shaw 7
5. Johnny Manziel 7
9. Zach Mettenberger 6
9. Corbin Berkstresser 6
11. Maxwell Smith 4
11. Tyler Russell 4
11. Jordan Rodgers 4
14. Brandon Allen 3
14. Morgan Newton 3
14. Clint Moseley 3
14. Jeff Driskel 3
18. Jalen Whitlow 2
18. AJ McCarron 2
18. Jonathan Wallace 2
21. Dylan Thompson 1
21. Justin Worley 1
21. Patrick Towles 1
WHAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO THIS WEEK
LSU at Arkansas
Will we get a Les Miles/John L. Smith hurricane of the crazy? Will Arkansas be able to achieve double digit turnovers? Will Les Miles drop the boot trophy or whatever it is on a limb not belonging to him?
Kentucky at Tennessee
Who will be the first to replace Houston Nutt as the latest head coach of an 0-8 SEC team (until Gene Chizik takes over a few hours later)? Will Tyler Bray throw interceptions without Derek Dooley? Will Kentucky, in a surprise move, try a defensive back at quarterback?
Mississippi State at Ole Miss
Will Tyler Russell or Bo Wallace do the Tebow phone taunt at opposing fans if they score a touchdown? Will Ole Miss find a way to vomit up another fourth quarter lead? Will the word "championship" be said at the conclusion of the game by the winning head coach?