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NBA Analysis: Jazz, Nuggets Hand Northwest Crown to OKC Thunder

By Ryan Costello

Happy trade deadline, fellas! Oklahoma City Thunder, here. We’ve noticed you’ve done a bit of redecorating lately, and we just wanted to tell you, we love what we’ve done with the place.

Denver, that Carmelo Anthony was still working fine, but there’s nothing like a bunch of noise to let you know that it’s time to replace the hardware. All that squeaking and you know there had to be a problem. Now that it’s gone, we figure it’s safe to let you know we didn’t like it much.

Oh, and that Chauncy Billups was a nice antique, but it was past its prime and it was about time you finally unpacked that shiny new Ty Lawson. It was gathering dust just sitting on the shelf.

Classics like Billups? They grow on trees, trust us.

Oh, you got a used Raymond Felton, too? Well, too much of a good thing can never hurt, especially when it’s essentially identical to that newer Lawson model. I mean, that won’t clutter up that backcourt or anything. That’s just our opinion.

And I see what you’re doing there with that Danillo Gallinari. I hear those are very versatile. Oh, you don’t want it? You want to get rid of it, you say? Interesting. Good idea, though. Well, at least you got that Timofey Mozgov… That should look good on your bench.

One thought though: That corner where you keep that Nene Hilario would probably look better with a draft pick or two and a Cole Aldrich or maybe a Nenad Krstic. Again, that’s just our two cents.

Oh, and Utah. Wow. I mean, wow.

You knew that Deron Williams sitting in your driveway was dangerous, especially after you accidently ran over that sweet old neighborhood man Jerry Sloan with it. It’s nice to see you went with a brand new Derrick Favors and even a Devin Harris.

Yea, the Favors is a little new to be sure, and those Harris models tend to just give away possessions, but we think you got great value for your trade-in on that move. Really, we do.

We’ve always thought that Williams was an eyesore, anyway.

What we’re really trying to say here is that we sincerely appreciate that you’ve made the Northwest Division a safer, more friendly neighborhood, especially for us. Navigating these streets will pretty much be a cakewalk from here on, except for that Portland Trailblazer house.

By the way, you don’t know if they might be getting rid of that LaMarcus Aldridge, do you?


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