I’m going to be completely honest with you – I love to throw bottles. I like to throw anything, really. Not a day goes by when I don’t actively think about how much fun it would be to take my remote and just whip it sidearmed into the center of my television, or whether or not I would be punished if I threw fruit at other cars from the passenger side window.
When I finish a beer, my first inkling is to just go into a full wind-up and send it as hard as I can into my front door. Of course, I rarely do these things.
My throwing career usually involves baseballs or footballs, and their targets are usually the hands of other people. There was a time back in college when my roommates and I created a pit in our backyard where we positioned empty glass bottles upright and threw rocks at them, causing them to explode in a sometimes dangerous fashion – which gave way to hours of fun – but I still have never really found an appropriate time to take an empty beer bottle and throw it at another person.
Then again, I’ve never been to the Olympics. On Sunday, somebody in the crowd finished up their Heineken (classy) and whipped it at Usain Bolt before he was set to run the 100 meter dash. You can see it happening here in this video taken in the crowd. Fast forward to the :38 second mark and look at the left side of your screen. You’ll see the bottle come in and land about 10 meters (I use the metric system now) shy of Bolt. Bolt – or any of the runners for that matter- never turn around, so it didn’t end up being that big of a deal, but if the guy who threw it wasn’t such a little punk he might been able to actually reach the runners and cause some damage.
Instead, Bolt ran faster than any man should and the day went on like normal.
Oh wait…no it didn’t. The guy who threw the bottle – a Nazi of sorts, I’m presuming – happened to be sitting right behind Edith Bosch, a world judo champion from the Netherlands who had recently captured a bronze metal. Bosch was not happy. So she jacked the guy up. Makes sense right? Next you know, security was taking him out, Bosch was a hero, the Nazis lost again and some guy got his butt kicked by a girl after he tried to derail one of the Olympics marquee events.
On a side note, the guy who threw the bottle was named “Ashley Gill-Webb,” which means he should have had his butt kicked just on principle. Any male with the first name Ashley has a little bit of soul-searching to do, and the hyphenated last name isn’t scoring him any points in my book. Plus, like I said, he was presumably a Nazi.