You’re not supposed to work on Labor Day, and we didn’t. Instead, we recovered from celebrating over the weekend. Celebrating what, you ask? The fact that we weren’t going to be working on Monday. It is a holiday, after all, and even we occasionally feel the need to neglect our duties and kick back with our fellow laborers.
Of course, Monday also brought us another day closer to the NFL season, which has been causing me personally to foam at the mouth and push a sled in my backyard, striking fear (and potential lust) into the hearts of all my neighbors. Do I care? Of course not – it’s almost football season, and football season comes only once a year. Just take a look at the clip if you don’t believe me.
Once Wednesday arrives, we’re officially underway, which signals the beginning of betting, fantasy games, the Patriots inevitable run to the Super Bowl that ends in a painful defeat to the Giants and – the greatest part of it all – the Red Zone Channel. It’s the single greatest invention since Eli Whitney created the cotton gin (does anyone know why that’s common knowledge?).
If you have not watched the Red Zone Channel, you might as well be riding around in a horse-drawn carriage and putting cocaine in your soda. It’s the most addicting, entertaining way to spend a day in the history of Planet Earth. There are no commercials. Let me repeat: THERE ARE NO COMMERCIALS. By the time it’s over – and you know absolutely everything that has happened in every game around the league – your eyes hurt from not blinking nearly enough and you feel like you personally know Scott Hanson.
So first of all, familiarize yourself with the Red Zone Channel and all of Scott Hanson’s glory. Then watch this video, paint your face like a Bengal or something creative and get ready for Giants-Cowboys on Wednesday. Who gives a damn if summer is coming to a close? Football season is about to get going, and I’ll trade warm weather for seven hours of non-stop NFL football any day of the week and twice on Sunday.