Felix Hernandex threw the 23rd perfect game in MLB history and the first perfect game in Mariners history on Wednesday. It's like whatever though, this is the third perfect game we've seen in 2012 and it's getting kind of boring. Heck, Philip Humber has a perfect game and that guy sucks. This is the best that the self-proclaimed King of the Pacific Northwest can do? Hernandez struck out 12 Rays, somebody call me when he strikes out all 27 batters he faces.
All right, fine, it's impressive, accomplishing something that has only happened 22 other times, in the history of baseball. Hell, the sport of baseball has been played since the dawn of man - when Southwest Ridge Outcropping's star pitcher Ug, struck out 7 of the opposing Cool Mouth Cave batters, before the game was called due to a sabertooth tiger mauling most of the outfield – it's surprising there haven't been more. This is also the first time there have ever been three perfect games thrown in the same season.
According to a tweet from Grantland's Bill Barnwell, the odds of 3 perfect games happening at this point in the season, based on MLB history, is 1,294-1. Pretty unimpressive. 3 out of 5 McKayla Maroney scowls. The odds of being killed in a car crash are 5,000-1. The odds of being killed by hot tap water are 5,005,564-1. The odds of fatally slipping in the shower or bath are 2,232-1. The odds of drowning passed out with your head in a cooler are 35,671-1. Compared to all those, I'm back to being disinterested in this perfect game. And I only made one of those statistics up, the rest were from the internet, where truth is paramount. Anyways, congrats Felix I guess.
No congratulations to roided-up anger beast, Melky Cabrera, who received a 50 game suspension for testing positive for a banned substance. Melky is certainly impressed by the perfect game. “Yeah everyone look over there at that outstanding pitching performance”, Cabrera probably said, while sticking a needle full of horse steroids into his ass. Cabrera issued a statement, taking responsibility for the positive test and apologizing to his teammates, organization and fans.
A classy move from a guy who would probably punch your head clean off your body if you spilt some of your beer on his Affliction t-shirt. On the bright side, Melky's season now ends with a .345 batting average, putting him in prime position to win the batting title. So, um, congrats to the MelkMan too, I guess.
Attempting to shine some positivity on his surname, Miguel Cabrera hit his 30th home run on the season in Detroit's 5-1 win over the Twins, making it six straight years of 30 HR and 100 RBI for Cabrera. Somebody in Detroit needs to buy that man a drink. Max Scherzer threw 7 shutout innings for the Tigers, with 10 Ks.
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Cincinnati's Mike Leake also threw a complete game, in the Red's 6-1 win over the Mets. Unfortunately for him, he allowed 4 baserunners and a run, so his day was an abject failure and may God have mercy on his soul. Jay Bruce followed up his walk-off, three run homer, from Tuesday with a 2 for 4 day and his 24th home run on the season. Todd Frazier also cranked his 15th homer of the season and continued his strong (.286/.343/.541) debut season. Unfortunately for him, he's not Mike Trout, so his season is an abject failure and may God have mercy on his soul.
Stephen Strasburg pitched his customary 6 innings on Wednesday, with 7 Ks and 2 ER. The Nationals beat the Giants 6-4. Promising times in DC, as the Nats sit at the top of the Major Leagues with a 74-45 record, with strong offense from Ryan Zimmerman, Jayson Werth, Michael Morse and Danny Espinosa, matching the pitching staff that's led the team all season. Wait don't drink that, because there is a turd in the punchbowl. Strasburg is now at 145 innings pitched, dangerously close to the 160-180 limit imposed on him by Nationals GM Mike Rizzo. Can't they at least shut him down now and let him pitch in the playoffs? Is Rizzo really going to blink in the face of such a strong World Series opportunity? Mike Rizzo has never once drank one to many beers. Mike Rizzo has never once stayed awake past his bedtime. Mike Rizzo has never eaten more than the portion size recommended for his height and weight.Mike Rizzo once had unprotected sex, but it was with a blowup doll and he immediately got tested. Mike Rizzo is a boring asshole.
Home run leaderboard update. Adam Dunn hit his 34th homer on the season, in the White Sox 9-5 win over the Blue Jays. Josh Hamilton ain't care though, cause he hit 2 home runs, also pushing his season total to 34, in the Rangers' 3-2 loss to the Yankees. Four other AL hitters are tied at 30 on the season. Ryan Braun, Melky Cabrera's diet consultant, leads the Nancy, I mean National League with 29.
Adrian Gonzalez got himself ejected from Boston's 5-3 loss to Baltimore, arguing from the dugout over a quick pitch from Pedro Strop. Since he supposedly hates Bobby V anyways and doesn't want to take any responsibility for his teams dismal season, I'm assuming he wanted to get into the clubhouse and watch the Mexico vs. USA friendly from Mexico City. No word on whether or not Gonzalez sent a text to John Henry, blaming Bobby V for the US winning for the first time ever in Mexico. USA, USA, USA.
Written by Ryan Coombs exclusively for TheFantasyFix.com. Follow Ryan on Twitter @RMCoombs.
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