Auburn 31, Louisiana-Monroe 28
Because I was in Oxford attempting to survive the hours leading up to the Ole Miss/Texas game and then the savage beating that began once the game started, I didn't see much of any games, so this will be even more ill-informed that usual. However, I did see the end of this game and a few highlights.
Things are looking up for Auburn when they need a Hail Mary and a throwback play to Kiehl Frazier to make it to overtime against the Warhawks. But on the positive side, Auburn finally did outgain an opposing offense (418-410).
And LA-Monroe's coach learned a valuable lesson about God-things. Against Arkansas, it's okay to not go for two at the end of regulation and play for overtime, but against a Gene Chizik team, you can't let the game go on because that's when God-things like to strike. In this case, a missed 37-yard field goal.
Vanderbilt 58, Presbyterian 0
QUARTERBACK CONTROVERSY IN NASHVILLE. Austyn (PARENTS ARE THE WORST) Carta-Samuels and Jordan Rodgers. CAN'T WAIT.
Alabama 52, Arkansas 0
Finally, our first John L. Smith YouTube moment of the season:
Shockingly, heads were not kept up. But there is good news for Arkansas fans, the checks to John L. continue to clear, so your school is in no danger of bankruptcy.
Texas A&M 48, SMU 3
Johnny Manziel accounted for 418 total yards and 6 touchdowns. Just think what would've happened if he decided the shirt needed to come off, Ponies.
Florida 37, Tennessee 20
I DVR'd this game and planned to watch when I got home last night, but airline travel often does not cooperate with personal schedules, so that will be delayed until tonight. And after a weekend of air travel, I would be willing to sign a lifetime travel contract with the first airline that does away with overhead storage bins.
The inability of people to get on and off a plane with a remote degree of efficiency sends my inner monologue into a violent, profanity-fueled RAGE. Watching people try to store and remove their carry-on bags is like watching an adult being thrust into an 11th-grade physics classroom and asked to calculate the acceleration and distance traveled of a race car. Though it probably only takes them 15 seconds to actually deal with their bag, those 15 seconds are SILENT AGONY HELL.
And let's not forget the guy who bolts out of his seat as soon as the plane comes to a stop and stares, with a great deal of irritation, at the people bumbling around in the front of the plane. WHERE ARE YOU GOING, CHIEF? SIT DOWN AND SUFFER IN DISGUISED RAGE LIKE THE REST OF US.
Anyway, as for the game, from what little I read, it looked as if conference Tyler Bray continues to his march to slightly above mediocre (22-44, 257 yards, 2 TDs, 2 INTs), Tennessee continues to not be able to run (83 yards), and Tennessee's defense reeks of failure (555 total yards for Florida; 336 on the ground). This loss should remind Tennessee fans that a coach's job stability should never be based on a win over NC State.
Western Kentucky 32, Kentucky 31
Thus ends the Joker Phillips era at Kentucky. And media people, don't ask Phil Fulmer or Houston Nutt if they're interested. THEY ARE.
I hope Joker stays around for the rest of the year because Maxwell Smith is averaging 49.7 pass attempts per game (he attempted 60 in this game) and with his 4 INT effort here, I like his chances of challenging Jevan Snead's 17 regular season picks in 2009.
Missouri 24, Arizona State 20
Turns out James Franklin didn't play and that's pretty much all I know about Missouri.
South Carolina 49, UAB 6
Don't think for one second Steve Spurrier doesn't know every single number that's remotely related to him. This win marked his 200th career collegiate win and when asked about it, he said, "I have 47 others, so it sort of blends in," referring to his victories in the NFL and USFL, of which NO ONE can name a single victory.
Unfortunately for South Carolina, Connor Shaw injured his throwing shoulder again and it sounds (meaning: I have no evidence) like this time he may miss a few weeks. And in more good times, South Carolina will be without safety D.J. Swearinger, who Trae Elston'd a UAB receiver, against Missouri this coming Saturday.
Mississippi State 30, Troy 24
Defense for Mississippi teams didn't make it to the actual playing field this week, as Mississippi State's defense was ripped apart by Auburn's second cousin. The Bulldogs gave up 572 yards to Troy, despite Troy turning in over 4 times. Oh, and the Trojans missed a 26-yard field goal.
I blame it on the lack of cowbells, which Troy made sure not to allow in their stadium, and not playing Kiehl Frazier.
Georgia 56, Florida Atlantic 20
Georgia had 713 yards of offense even with 4 turnovers. Mark Richt has clearly lost control of being able to get 900 yards of total offense.
LSU 63, Idaho 14
VERY EXCITED* about the LSU/Alabama game being close again, followed by another national championship edition.
*The same degree of excitement I will have in watching Ole Miss play Alabama at 8:15 on national television.
Texas 66, Ole Miss 31
Well, that was just a tad bit more blood than I was expecting. I'm not sure I've ever seen an offense in person that could literally run any play it wanted, for an entire game, and it was going to work.
A significant portion of that success was based on Ole Miss lack of EVERYTHING on defense, but Texas has some pretty good skill players and an offensive line that can destroy people it should destroy. Watching in person, it was obvious by the second or third Texas possession that the only way Ole Miss was going to stop Texas was if the Longhorns decided to take a knee on every play or turn the ball over.
Sadly, they kept running plays and getting yards, yards, and more yards, followed by lots of points. However, the good news, if you're an Ole Miss fan, is that the defense never quit playing hard, which was a nice change. Of course, the bad news is the defense played hard and gave up 66 points.
Offensively, things were in trouble from the start when Texas learned it could rush its four defensive linemen and easily get pressure on Bo Wallace. Despite that, Ole Miss showed some flashes of an ability to move the ball, with a few big plays mixed in. We looked especially dangerous when we went into the super fast-paced offense (snapping the ball with about 30 seconds on the play clock), which really gave Texas some trouble. Unfortunately, either we're not conditioned to keep it up, coaches don't trust the players enough to go that fast, or we're trying to do anything to help the defense, we don't use it as much as we probably should.
Despite the brutalization, the hours leading up to the game, especially the hour in the stadium before the game started, were a great reminder of how much fun football games that matter can be. There will be several more brutalizations to come this year, but if Hugh Freeze can rebuild and restock the shelves Houston Nutt tore down while trying to find the W, the I, and the N in his Alpha-Bits cereal, football games that matter could become the norm in Oxford.
DEUCE MCALLISTER OF THE WEEK
Given to the player who dominated with or without the help of his teammates and coaches
Jeff Driskel, QB, Florida
14-20, 219 yards, 2 TD, 0 INT
8 carries, 81 yards
One day, the real Jeff Driskel is going to wander in to Gainesville police headquarters and tell them that he's alive and they can cancel the missing persons report.
ERIC OLIVER OF THE WEEK
Given to the player who caused his team’s fans the highest degree of wailing and gnashing of teeth due to blown assignments and generally piss poor play
Maxwell Smith, QB, Kentucky
37-60, 332 yards, 2 TD, 4 INT
In a close second, though not a player, the Arkansas fanbase for convincing themselves everything was going to be alright despite losing their head coach and some of their best players on defense.
JOHNNY VAUGHT OF THE WEEK
Given to the coach who dominated whatever task was in front of him
Will Muschamp, Florida
Back-to-back road wins after trailing at halftime. Will later be found guilty of kidnapping and forging documents related to Jeff Driskel.
2012 Jevan Snead Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Quarterbacking Failure Leaderboard
Awarded to the SEC quarterback who throws the most interceptions during the regular season
1. Kiehl Frazier 5
2. Bo Wallace 4
2. Maxwell Smith 4
4. Brandon Allen 3
5. Zach Mettenberger 2
5. Connor Shaw 2
5. Aaron Murray 2
5. Tyler Bray 2
9. Jordan Rodgers 1
9. Justin Worley 1
9. Tyler Wilson 1
9. James Franklin 1
DOUBLE YOUR PAYCHECK PICKS
Season: 16-13 (.551)
WHAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO THIS WEEK
Missouri at South Carolina
Which Columbia will be declared the superior Columbia? Will Connor Shaw keep his getting hurt in every game streak alive? Will Steve Spurrier get the chance to make yet another SEC coach upset with him?
LSU at Auburn
Will Kiehl Frazier take control of the JSAOAFQF? Will Gene Chizik continue to look like a dentist in that white top he always wears? Will Clint Moseley get a chance to throw a pick six?
Vanderbilt at Georgia
Who will meat out first, James Franklin or Todd Grantham? Will Mark Richt lose control of diplomatic relations between the two? Will you be able to tell any difference in the Vanderbilt offense if they rotate quarterbacks?