1. I apologize to gays. I’m sorry I said you were corrupt and sinful. I’m sorry especially to an in-closet Christian homosexual friend, whose decision to pay for Christian “gay cure” therapy I did not advise against. I’m sorry I signed a national petition to prohibit gay marriage. I’m sorry I used the word “gay” as an all-purpose insult term applied to everything from traffic I hated to sports game outcomes I hated.
2. I apologize to atheists I tried to convert on “missions trips” to China and England. I hope you didn’t buy my story and pick up an imaginary friend. I’m sorry; I was confused. I’m sorry I said I was worried you’d go to hell. I’m sorry I told you the Bible was written by God. It isn’t.
3. I apologize to everyone for investing so much time and money in churches. Some of that went to charity work, but a great deal of that went to buildings and worship services devoted to deceiving people with ancient myths.
4. I apologize to everyone I hurt by advocating superstition. I’m sorry I told my best friend that God didn’t heal him at a Benny Hinn conference because he didn’t have enough faith. I’m sorry I told so many people the best way to make their decision was to ignore the facts and ask their invisible friend. I’m sorry I told so many people to be unjustly faithful rather than justly skeptical.
5. I apologize for encouraging sexual repression. I’m sorry for silently or vocally condemning people who had fulfilling relationships without a marriage contract. I’m sorry for volunteering to be an ‘accountability partner’ with other young men as we struggled to encourage each other to feel ashamed for masturbating.
I’m really, really sorry. I repent. And I’m doing my best to walk the other way and make the world a better place.