Do you find that on some days when you wake up, you go about with your morning routine of checking emails, making coffee, emptying out the dishwasher and so on...it almost feels like a switch has been turned off and darkness emerges within?
You get ready and walk out the door to teach a yoga class or take a class or go to work. In my case, a class I look forward to teach, as the students are seniors and are full of life.
But the class I ended up teaching was weird and cold, which was unusual for me. My heart and mind were not present. Something was lacking. Needless to say my day went on without emotions and my interaction with people was quite blah or, should I say, non existent.
Do you find that at some point in time you begin to have a vision of a body that resembles you just going about their day with numbness? I do and below is what I observe.
Whatever emotions or spark she had, was wiped out. She seemed indifferent... (that's the word I was looking for.) She seemed to just exist. It was more like she wanted to get through the day quickly. It felt like she was running away and wanted to hide. She seemed drained of any love, energy or the simple joie de vivre. She was going through her day in solitude. Every action came without thinking, almost robotic like. It was a sad sight to see her in this darkness when her surroundings were bright and alive.
Her face was expressionless and the colors black that she wore did not help either. She was invisible to her surroundings but more so to herself. She had created an air of non existence or had been sucked into non existence.
When I feel this wayI tend to drop everything and just sit cross legged by myself and observe my thoughts, actions and body movements. Allowing my eyes to soften and bringing my awareness within.
"Let me just hold you" A voice inside of me said. Without realizing my arms began to wrap around me. I held me tight. It lasted just for a couple of minutes. I could feel my posture straighten and the grasp around me softening. A gentle smile swept across my face.
"Thank You so very much, I needed that" I whispered
Yes, I felt very non existent and do not know the reason for this. Maybe my heart and soul were not connected or maybe I just had one of those days. But I found it and acknowledged it.
Whatever the reason maybe, we need to NOURISH, RESPECT and LOVE our very being. If we don't then no one else will. This much I do know that:
Yoga not only encourages an overall good physical conditioning BUT more importantly it encourages one to be able to see and observe the various subtleties of the self.