The Carolina Panthers will win Super Bowl XLVII, no question about it. You know it’s true because a real life newspaper, the Charlotte Observer, printed an entire essay dedicated to the idea.
Filled with all sorts of inspirational jargon and no actual logic, the piece entitled "Why the Carolina Panthers will win Super Bowl XLVII” paints a very clear picture and leaves readers with a real sense of faith about what the 2012 Panthers can accomplish.
Sure, Carolina finished 6-10 in 2011 and missed the postseason for the third straight year. Yeah, Cam Newton sort of petered off towards the end of the season and is as good a candidate as any to fall victim to the sophomore slump. And okay, the Panthers would somehow need to leapfrog both the New Orleans Saints and Atlanta Falcons just to make the playoffs.
Still, it says that they’re going to win the Super Bowl in a newspaper – so that should settle it.
Of course, it’s probably worth noting that the only reason an essay entitled "Why the Carolina Panthers will win Super Bowl XLVII” ran in the Observer is because Ryan Kalil purchased ad space and put it there. And it also might warrant mention that the Tampa Bay Bucaneers could be better than Carolina next season, too; which would push Newton and Co. to fourth best in the NFC South.
But none of that is written in a newspaper, so take it with a grain of salt.
Via the Observer: