“Lie back and think of England” has taken on a whole new meaning with the announcement that “Crown Jewels” condoms have been made to commemorate the April wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.
The British company’s website boasts, “Like a royal wedding, intercourse with a loved one is an unforgettable occasion.”
Crown Jewels promises to give its patrons “the strength of a prince with a yielding sensitivity of a princess-to-be.”
So forget the souvenir tea towels, coffee mugs, coins and plates – and go with royal rubber on this very special occasion.
Presented in regal-looking purple and gold, each pack bears a picture of the couple gazing into each other’s eyes, saying it contains a “triumvirate of regal prophylactics”, which are “lavishly lubed” and “regally ribbed”.
But don’t sheath your sword just yet – there’s a disclaimer on their website that reads “Crown Jewels Royal Souvenir Condoms are a novelty condom not suitable for contraception or protection against STDs.”
In other words, condoms that are about as effective and hard-working as Prince Philip.