Off the Record's 2010 NFL Mock Draft 2.0

| by Off The Record

OTR was rattled last Sunday when Donovan McNabb was traded to the Washington Redskins. Not because the former Eagles quarterback was traded within the division, but months of research, scouting, combine visits, and OTR conference calls seemed to have gone down the drain. In our first mock draft of the season we had the ‘Skins taking Notre Dame’s small-handed quarterback Jimmy Clausen with the 4th pick. We aren’t happy with that mock draft selection anymore, so we went back to the war room to create our second draft board. And for the first time ever, we are unleashing OTR’s 2010 NFL mock draft 2.0:

1. St. Louis Rams: Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma. The 22-year old former Heisman Trophy winner (2008) stands at 6′ 4″ tall and sits at 4′ 3″ short on a standard Oklahoma classroom chair.  Add 236 pounds to those dimensions and you have yourself an NFL-sized quarterback with Dave Krieg’s arm. In the three major NFL combine QB categories, Bradford scored 36 out of 50 on the Wonderlic test, finished 2nd in hopscotch (Tim Tebow), and defeated Cincinnati’s Tony Pike in the Chess Finals. Of the 2nd place finish in hopscotch, a Rams scout responded, “We are ignoring the 2nd place finish. Tim Tebow was in charge of drawing the chalk outlines for the game. We feel the dimensions of the boxes favored him.” (previous pick:  Sam Bradford)

2. Detroit Lions: Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska. Suh was the first defensive player ever to win AP Player of the Year and Mel Kiper Jr. describes him as “maybe the most dominating defensive tackle I’ve seen in 32 years.” Kiper also described USC’s wide receiver Mike Williams as “the best player in the 2005 draft class” and told Merril Hoge “I’ll see you at his Hall of Fame induction” when the ESPN analyst disagreed with him. We aren’t questioning Suh’s abilities, we just don’t trust a man who doesn’t know how to apply hair mousse properly. (previous pick: Ndamukong Suh)

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma. With this pick everyone automatically thinks of Warren Sapp. OTR doesn’t. We think of Sean Landeta. Yes, Landeta never played defensive tackle, but we believe McCoy will have as much success at his position as Landeta had being a punter. That’s a huge compliment to the big man. Think about it. If at the end of his career he is a three-time All-Pro, a two-time Super Bowl champion, and named to two All-Decade Teams , do you think he’ll be happy? Sean Landeta sure is. And so is OTR, we get $5 for every time we drop Sean Landeta’s name. (previous pick:  Eric Berry)

4. Washington Redskins: Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma. Trent Williams has impressed us so much in one week that he has jumped from the 23rd overall pick to the 4th pick. Who can blame us? OTR put Williams through extensive workouts which included the 5-yard dash, WII bowling, and calculus. Trent was so fast in the 5-yard dash that the chances of him getting an ineligible man downfield penalty is greater than most offensive tackles in this draft. That’s the only risk with this pick. (previous pick:  Jimmy Clausen)

5. Kansas City Chiefs: Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma St. Okung’s physical attributes and game management skills can only be compared to HOFer Joe Stydahar who was drafted 6th overall in the first ever NFL draft in 1936, held at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. To say we haven’t seen a player like this coming out of college for almost 74 years is completely mind blowing. We aren’t sure whether to question our research staff or realize something special is going to happen in Kansas City for years to come. previous pick:  Russell Okung)

6. Seattle Seahawks: Eric Berry, S, Tennessee. Eric is the 5th Barry brother and the only one to play football.  He is the son of basketball HOFer Rick Barry and brother to Jon, Scooter, Drew, and Brent, all of whom are also basketball players. However, it’s the basketball skills he learned from his brothers that help him excel at the safety position. For example, after taking a pick six to the house, there wasn’t one college player who could dunk the ball over the field goal post better than Eric. And if he needs to fade away and shoot the pigskin over the uprights, he can do that too, thanks to Brent. The Supersonics could definitely use him as well, oh wait…? (previous pick:  Bruce Campbell)

7. Cleveland Browns: Earl Thomas, S, Texas. Thomas is another player jumping the OTR ranks, from 17 to 7. There’s two reasons why he jumps so high here. One, the Cleveland Browns are in desperate need for a starting safety and Thomas could easily jump right in and fit that roll.  Two, the Cleveland Browns are in desperate need for a fourth golfer in their “Drew Carey, Cleveland Rocks, Golf Scramble” held during NFL Wild Card Weekend at Trump National Golf Club, Los Angeles.’s Mike Mayock reported that Thomas was a four handicap and hits the ball “as pure as the driven snow.” (previous pick:  Gerald McCoy)

8. Oakland Raiders: Gerald Carterson, ummm, where? When the selection is made, everyone pretty much stands around and has no clue what just happened. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell repeats the name “Gerald Carterson” and nobody comes up.  Everyone at Radio City Music Hall is wondering who just got drafted and from what college. Al Davis appears and starts walking to the stage.  40 minutes later he gets to the podium, whispers into the microphone “Javon Walker” and dies of a heart attack. There’s complete silence and Gerald Carterson is nowhere to be seen.  (previous pick: swapped picks with Buffalo for no reason, then selected Trindon Holliday)

9. Buffalo Bills: Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame. Two seconds later the Bills take Jimmy Clausen, Al Davis’ body vanishes in thin air, and New York City’s football atmosphere is reinstated as Bills fans rejoice with the selection. And why shouldn’t they rejoice? Clausen is like a young Joe Montana, but not as good looking and not as good. (previous pick: swapped picks with Oakland for no reason, then selected Anthony Davis)

10. Jacksonville Jaguars: Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, South Florida. There’s one reason the Jacksonville Jaguars can’t pass up on Pierre-Paul’s services, he majored in interdisciplinary social sciences.  Jason doesn’t look at the world through the lens of one discipline, he’s able to think in interdisciplinary ways and examine and analyze social issues in new ways. This is the kind of help Jacksonville’s front office needs in helping them fill the seats every Sunday. And on the field, Pierre-Paul is like a young Jevon Kearse, but not as much of a freak. (previous pick: Jason Pierre-Paul)

11. Denver Broncos (from Chicago in Jay Cutler trade): Sergio Kindle, DE/OLB, Texas. The Denver Broncos decide to take the best outside linebacker on their draft board, despite Kindle playing mostly defensive end during the 2009 season. He can play both positions and is most likely the best multi-tasker in this years draft. Besides playing linebacker and defensive end at the same time, Sergio can also fetch Gatorade for his teammates while studying the playbook. It’s multi-tasking like that which can’t be matched. (previous pick:  Dez Bryant)

12. Miami Dolphins: Derrick Morgan, DE, Georgia Tech. The Dolphins select a player who is a combination of former Buccaneers linebacker Derrick Brooks and former Patriots receiver Stanley Morgan. His parents were going to name him Brooks Stanley, but decided to go with Derrick Morgan. He has the quickness of a linebacker and the hands of a wide receiver. Expect him to line up on both sides of the ball, but actually don’t really expect that. (previous pick: Rolando McClain)

13. San Francisco 49ers: Joe Haden, CB, Florida. The 49ers are desperate for help in the secondary, but they pick Haden anyway. (previous pick:  C. J. Spiller)

14. Seattle Seahawks: Brian Bulaga, OT, Iowa. Bulaga’s mother once described him as a “raw bed sore on the butt of a mountain lion.” We don’t know what that means, but it sounds like he can be really annoying. It’s this obnoxious behavior that has him shooting up everyone’s draft boards.  (previous pick: Brian Bulaga)

15. New York Giants: Rolando McClain, ILB, Alabama. McClain plays uphill at all times and has a penchant for the mundane. Expected to be taken in the top 20 of this year’s draft, McClain is looking smarter and smarter for choosing football over ice hockey. (previous pick:  Joe Haden)

16. Tennessee Titans: Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee. Growing up on a farm in Tennessee taught Williams two things: 1. The art of leverage, and 2. How to make your own booze. The former will help Williams at the point of attack in the NFL, while the latter just makes him one hell of a locker room guy. (previous pick: Everson Griffin)

17. San Francisco 49ers: Mike Iupati, G, Idaho. The Niners have absolutely no need for an interior lineman whatsoever. But, they take Iupati here just to taunt the Houston Texans, who are praying that Iupati slips to them at #20. The 49ers hate the Texans and rightfully so. (previous pick: Earl Thomas)

18. Pittsburgh Steelers: C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson. This is value. The Steelers can’t pass up on Spiller here. While many think that the Steelers are fine with Rashard Mendenhall, it’s important that this team is deep at all positions so they can protect themselves when one of their guys gets arrested. (previous pick: defense attorney Johnnie Cochran)

19. Atlanta Falcons: Brandon Graham, DE/OLB, Michigan. Speed, speed and speed! While Graham doesn’t have any of it, he makes up for it with his lack of intangibles. Graham once ate 13 yogurt cups in under 20 minutes on a $5 bet. He just won’t back down. (previous pick: Derrick Morgan)

20. Houston Texans:  Bruce Campbell, OT, Maryland. The Houston Texans strike back and take Campbell here just to spite the San Francisco 49ers. They want to show that they will not be intimidated by taking an offensive tackle when they don’t need one. What no one told them, however, is that the Niners had no interest at all in Campbell. This move falls on deaf ears despite cheers and high fives in the Texans’ war room. (previous pick:  Mike Iupati)

Photo Caption: When you can’t get a ring, you settle for the second best thing – a shiny keychain.

21. Cincinnati Bengals: Jermaine Gresham, TE, Oklahoma. This is a great move for the Bengals because Carson Palmer needs to continue to prove that he can’t win with a lot of weapons. Just get him another weapon and he’ll prove it again. (previous pick: Dan Williams)

22. New England Patriots: Jared Odrick, DT, Penn St. The Patriots desperately need to replace the departed Vince Wilfork in this year’s draft despite the fact that they never lost him. Odrick plays with a high motor and does some killer impressions. Odrick once showed what would happen if Dane Cook was actually a manager at a McDonald’s. His impression busted up the Penn St. locker room and prompted Joe Paterno to call him a black version of a young Rich Little.  (previous pick:  Sergio Kindle)

23. Green Bay Packers:  Patrick Robinson, CB, Florida State. Everyone and their mother knows that the Packers have to draft an offensive lineman with this pick. The Packers are hell bent on proving that experts don’t know what they are talking about. They take a corner to help replenish an aging secondary, and also to stick a thumb in Todd McShay’s eye. (previous pick:  Trent Williams)

24. Philadelphia Eagles:  Kyle Wilson, CB, Boise State. There are a lot of holes that NFL teams periodically have to fill when they create a lot of holes for themselves to fill. Expect Wilson to come in and immediately play at a higher level than Sheldon Brown because he costs less and has upside. Wilson has the chemistry of a 10th-grade science student and the hands of an older Lee Rouson. Just mix in, add water and presto, an NFL star.(previous pick: Jermaine Gresham)

25. Baltimore Ravens: Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma St. Anquan Boldin and Donte Stallworth just aren’t enough. The Ravens haven’t had a WR with this much upside since Michael Jackson in 1996. Scouts think that if Bryant can perform at approximately 68% of the level that Jackson achieved, then this is a home run. (previous pick: Arrelious Benn)

26. Arizona Cardinals:  Sean Weatherspoon, LB, Missouri. If Jeff Lageman and Gary Reasons had a child, his name would be Sean Weatherspoon (if it was a boy obviously). Weatherspoon is considered by just about everyone to be the best linebacking prospect to come out of college since Tommy Nobis in 1966. It’s unreal that he falls this far. (previous pick: Tim Tebow)

27. Dallas Cowboys: Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers. Rutgers coach Greg Schiano preaches hard work and discipline to his players. While Davis has neither of these attributes, he’s become remarkably good at teaching it to others around him. It’s amazing if you actually think about it.  (previous pick: Jordan Shipley)

28. San Diego Chargers:  Carlos Dunlap, DE, Florida. San Diego needs players that have proven that they can handle the great weather in Southern California. Dunlap proved that at Florida.  (previous pick: Ryan Matthews)

29. New York Jets: Arrelious Benn, WR, Illinois. At 6′ 1″ tall and 219 pounds, Benn is not necessarily a large man, but it’s his big play-making ability that has led to his teammates calling him ‘Big Benn.’ However, the front office wants to make sure that just because his nickname is Big Benn, Arrelious understands he can’t go around sexually assaulting college girls at night clubs and hotels.  Rex Ryan and Mike Tannenbaum have done their homework and are happy with this selection. (previous pick: Golden Tate)

30. Minnesota Vikings: Taylor Mays, S, USC. An interesting technique was used for this selection.  Rick Spielman and Brad Childress threw away their first-round draft board and decided to play Madden NFL 2010. Spielman played with the Vikings and Childress formed a team of the top 11, draft-eligible safeties. They both agreed whoever picked off Brett Favre in the simulated playoff game, ultimately causing the Vikings to lose, would be their selection. Your newest Minnesota Viking, Taylor Mays. (previous pick:  Jared Odrick)

31. Indianapolis Colts:  Maurkice Pouncey, C, Florida. Fans love when their teams select offensive lineman in the first round and nothing can be more exciting than when that lineman is a center. Pouncey recorded the quickest snap (from field to hands) at the combine at .384 seconds, which broke the previous record held by Jeff Saturday (.397 seconds).  Now the two centers are on the same team, which could give opposing defenses a ton of problems when both are on the field at the same time. Because…..who do you cover? (previous pick: Brandon Graham)

32. New Orleans Saints:  Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama. Cody has a passion for football that is surpassed only by his love of fried Spam with raw onions. He has tons of athleticism that he displayed constantly in high school when he would dunk on an eight-foot rim with one hand behind his head in a showboat fashion. Cody also wowed the recruiters at Alabama when he – just hours after his prom – threw a rising fastball with a tennis ball (several witnesses were there and swear they saw it rise). That’s right, he could have been a major league pitcher if he had dedicated himself to that craft. It’s the New Orleans Saints with the 32nd pick in the draft who benefit from his decision to pursue football.(previous pick: Taylor Mays)