Sometimes life hits us really hard out of nowhere… these are the times it is most important to keep the faith!
When I lost the house I was living in a month ago,
after half my income was obliterated by being replaced,
Once I found out that a long standing project of mine had hit a major roadblock and I’d have to change its very premis and execution,
Then when I was relieved of the other half of my income due to a “conflict of interest” and my head was spinning with a mix of anger and shock…
In all of these moments I choose to keep the faith!
I found an apartment in two days and had just enough is savings to get in the door, my friends and partner were super heros both in helping to move and with offers of respite, I finally started sleeping through the night without interruption & found I was relieved that I was no longer “the help,” my project in less than a week morphed into a shinier and bolder version with collaborators pouring out of the woodwork, and being released/forced from all my obligations to others I suddenly found myself uninhibited, free to pursue my dreams, and with nothing but great incentive to do so… and through all the crazy the love kept pouring in because the Universe in all her glory simply kept sending back to me what I had been investing.
Inhale Peace, Exhale Peace; Love Sent Out, Love Comes Back!
It has by no means been the most comfortable month of my life and yet with all the feelings of a tornado surrounding me, the dark clouds & demons trying to drive me off the path of righteousness, I was oddly calm and focused. When you start to lose all those things that you think are your identity (jobs, friends, your day to day tasks) you can chose to go totally nuts and freak out or you can simply choose to keep the faith.
How? By breathing. By remaining kind and attentive to your real needs and by being aware of all those around you who are are both willing and ready to offer a helping hand. We can dig deep, meditate, and see clearly.
Receiving is a whole other story.
Learning to receive is one of those lessons that keeps rounding back to me over and over again. I am great at free hugs and happy smiles, at giving the love in classes and communicating it to my friends and family. I could perhaps only improve my execution in letting people know how special they are by attaching a post-it to my forehead or some sparkle butt pants with a bedazzled heart.
As much pleasure as I get in giving it’s when those same spirits mirror and radiated it back to me I start to feel like I am imposing. When others start to take care of me I can feel like I owe them something in return for their sunshine. As if there is some all knowing tally sheet being recorded in the heavens I work very hard at keeping my deposits high and my withdrawals low. On the intellectual side I recognize that the scorecard only exists in my head, that I don’t give the happy with strings attached or with expectation of an even return.
I know in my mind and in my heart how good it feels to lend a helping hand, a hug, an ear, and an understanding look. My emotions get the better of me though. When on the other end of brotherly love I wince and my breath gets shallow. I start to nod my head, say things like, “I’m fine, I’m fine.” In truth, I don’t always feel like I really deserve it.
That’s right. I am human. When someone shows me love or perfect sweet friendship I feel like I’m six years old caught with my hands in the cookie jar. I don’t quite reject it because I really want it, but I do deep down feel at times that I couldn’t possibly deserve something that feels so good. Or if I take it, I better be prepared to give it in kind with extra sprinkles and a bow and a tap dance…
What’s that all about in us I wonder?
Why is it that we are all little kids in big people bodies who forget the magic of love and life? Why do we forget that friendship is not a scorecard and that real ones shake themselves out in the wash. Sometimes we are up, others we are down. We get back what we give and if we give the love (as I try to do) we get it back in spades.
I believe that we deserve to feel safe and loved. We deserve clean water, the right to be heard and be seen and I believe in the Constitution & the Bill of Rights. I believe in National Public Radio, in the miracle of butterflies, the simplicity of chocolate, and I believe in the human spirit. I believe in the beauty of the world and the ecosystem we are a part of. I believe there is a spark of the divine in each of us, that we can rise above our difficulties and live in harmony if not full out peace. I admire those who live out loud and who strive to make this world a better place.