Entertainment
Entertainment

Gwyneth Paltrow: "I Look Better Now Than I Did When I Was 24"

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You know the drill by now; Gwyneth Paltrow writes GOOP newsletter about how wonderful her life is, pretends it's 'advice', internet rips her apart for being completely out of touch with reality, she, seemingly unaffected by it all, then returns to her perfect life, internet meanwhile is deeply resentful, returns to it's basement.

The newest instalment of Gwynnie's Make More Money You Dirty Peasants newsletter has her explaining once more, for those of you out there who weren't paying attention last time, exactly how truly awe inspiring she is. Bear in mind, if you didn't find her cloyingly smug before, this will not help:

ON NOT PUTTING HER SIX YEAR OLD IN NAPPIES
“I don’t know if I can go back to diapers. I don’t think so. I would love to, but I sort of feel like I don’t know if I can go back to diapers and things like that. I’m so past that, I think I may have missed the window. I think if maybe when Moses was three, I would have done it, or four even, but now he’s six and such a guy, I feel like I’m out of the baby phase. If it happens, it happens.”

ON HOW SHE'S JUST LIKE YOU POOR PEOPLE, WITH YOUR CLOWN-CAR VAGINAS AND PREMATURELY ENDED CAREERS
“I feel like motherhood has given me all my happiness and a real life: a husband, my children and everything that’s invested in that. Every woman is different, but for me that’s where I’ve gotten my real happiness.”

ON... WELL TO BE HONEST WE CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHAT HER POINT HERE IS
“When I’m in LA, I’m always packing things in. I tend to be really busy – my doctors are out there, Apple’s orthodontist, that kind of thing. Plus, that’s where I focus on movie stuff and I see all my friends. It changes more – I tend not to spend all my time with the kids.”

ON TALKING TO HER LAWYER WHILE MAKING DINNER (THAT OLD CHESTNUT)
“I find that I get stressed out when I try to do too many things at once, and so I try not to. I feel very stressed out if I’m trying to cook and help the children with their homework and answer emails and talk to my lawyer or whatever. I feel really overwhelmed. So I try to just do things one at a time.”

ON HAVING MORE MONEY THAN YOU COULD EVER DREAM OF
“I like being older. It’s nice to really know yourself and feel relaxed. And I actually think I look better now than I did when I was 24, so I’m very comfortable with myself.”

Once again, if you haven't already seen it, you simply must look at the overpriced tat she sells on her website.