Most of us claim that we do not want to be single. Few cherish going home to an empty place. Major decisions are made on our own while if we have been married in the past we often find ourselves missing certain things despite a marriage breakdown.
In being single there is the anxiety of learning to go places alone, conducting conversations without the help of a partner and answering the questions of others. There is the work of handling our physical desires while managing our emotions. While we have a need to share our loneliness and accompanying emotions, few feel equipped to hear it while some answers are difficult to hear.
I have worked out a few things along the way through restoring a broken marriage and working with many lonely people who have found that God’s will and timing are not necessarily their own.
Understand that marriage will not complete a person. Adam and Eve had each other and yet fell into sin. They deeply needed God beyond the intimacy of their marriage. Quite often the concept of being with another becomes a fixation in our lives. We think that if we could just be married then life would be so much easier. I spend much time with marrieds who are thinking the exact opposite. Do not think that marriage is the answer to life’s problems as you will marry and still find dissatisfaction.
Completion occurs only through our Maker. 2 Corinthians 6:14 emphasizes the essentiality of marrying one of spiritual equality. It is vital that a person not compromise pursuing a partner that is serious about their relationship with God. To say that one is a Christian is not enough. Rather do they regularly attend one church every week, are they committed to that church in relationship and servanthood and are they one who prays and reads the Bible? Of most importance, does their lifestyle reflect that of a committed believer – talking well of themselves and others, generous in time, friendship and money, a great work ethic and carry through on commitments. Of course one or more of these may need work but if you are turning a blind eye to problems, don’t pretend that marriage will change anything.
Spiritual well being is often overlooked in our desperation to avoid being single. Intitially new relationships can put us on an emotional high which blinds us to what is most needed – spiritual equality in a marriage. We convince ourselves that we can change the other or that it does not really matter that we worship and attend church alone. However the very concept of marriage was created by our Creator and to therefore unite oneself with one that is lukewarm on His existence can be devastating.