Zombie Attack Warning: Use Bath Salts at Your Own Risk

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By James E. Gierach

Police are warning other police to look out for homeless men who can be easily spotted (because they are traveling without their houses), threaten to eat your face, walk about naked, and are taking a “new drug” (not an old super-human-strength drug like PCP, crack cocaine, Ecstasy, LSD, gin, rum or marijuana).

Police are instructed to watch for the sign that these men are taking a new drug. (http://news.yahoo.com/miami-police-warn-drug-grisly-attack-055505712.html)  

The sign will probably read something like, “Taking new drug.  Approach at your own risk.”

Check out our new 'Who's Who in Zombie Attacks' Gallery

The new police-to-police alert comes on the heels of a Miami man who ate the face off another guy.  It is a horrible thing, face-eating; defacing anything is disrespectful.

Without time for detailed crime laboratory testing and analysis, temporarily, police are blaming these 21st Century horror stories on “bath salts” which are different than the all natural additives found in bathes taken by presidents in Hot Springs, Arkansas.

There may be some truth to the “bath salts” scare.  I know as a child I use to bathe with a detergent, the name of which I withhold to protect the innocent producers of Tide.  After a high-school bath, I use to feel really clean but wondered what the little pasty granules were doing to my brain.

Even earlier in life, my seventh and eighth grade classmates learned of the dangers of substances like beer and hard liquor that could make you “high.”  

Generally, as a young kid, “high” was good.  Kids like to climb high in the tree, are told in church, temple and synagogue to get high on life, and rumor had it that if you put an aspirin into a Coke it would make you “high.  We tried it; it didn’t.

Fortunately, the U.S. Congress and my hometown city council never got word of this new drug threat to kids, aspirin-in-coke, or they would have definitely outlawed it whether it worked or not, just to save us kids.  Tide-in-the-bathwater also got a pass, probably because it didn’t make you feel good, just clean.

So, until all the facts are in about the effects of “bath salts” on the propensity of people to want to eat one another, the public is well advised to give naked, homeless people wearing signs that say “On a new drug” a wide berth.  You never know when one is going to bite, or the police are going to shoot.

And one final thought – no one has ever died from marijuana or been wounded by the bite of a marijuana user. However, laboratory synthetic marijuana and salts made to legally simulate the marijuana “high” can be really dangerous to your health.

James E. Gierach is a Former Chicago drug prosecutor

and Board Member of Law Enforcement Against Prohibition (www.leap.cc)


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