Who's to blame for my mental illness? Is it me, is you?
I presented a NAMI In Our Own Voice program for another Crisis Intervention Team (CIT) class yesterday. After the presentation, one of the class participants came to me and told me he felt responsible for my mental health. He worked at my old college and felt like he or someone from the institution should have been there for me when the symptoms of Schizophrenia seemed to have got the best of me. While I attended that school, I did not have insight into my mental health. In fact, I did not even know what a mental illness was!
Even when the symptoms of Schizophrenia tormented me, I did not know it was beyond my control. Many times, I prayed and meditated for peace of mind and for the angels to protect me as I go to my destination. I was very religious and had delusions that I was prophet of God. I prayed for protection because I felt like I was fighting a spiritual battle everyday. In other words, spiritual welfare between me and the world.
Back then in school, I felt emotionally exhausted, and I also felt like a victim because I thought professors and peers were gossiping about me. I was extremely paranoid. Paranoia is another symptom of Schizophrenia in my experience with the illness. Eventually, I began to hate my school, because I did not feel like I can connect with my peers anymore. I also isolated from family because I did not think that would understand my concerns.
Despite my frustration and lack of understanding as to what was happening to me, I never blamed anyone or myself for that matter for my mental illness when I did become aware of my diagnosis. If anything I just wanted to strive for my old life- college, family life, and independence.
Should we blame community, family, friends, and ourselves for mental illness? What about the good Samaritan idea. If we see someone who looks disoriented or distant should it be up to us to check on them and seek resources and support for them?
I remember while I was going through an episode before I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, I was hearing voices and wondering about aimlessly. I called family and friends on the phone at a gas station, but the voices continued to infringe on my livelihood. While outside a stranger confronted me.
He gave me a ride to a nearby mall at my request and then called the police because I seemed disoriented and confused. When the police confronted me they did not understand what was going on so they called my family and sent me home. Thinking about that incident, I think the man was acting as a good Samaritan. I am glad that he called the police because I would not have known how to return home, because my symptoms were so bad. However, I wish that police officer was trained to distinguish someone with a mental health concern, it may have prevented or helped in my crisis stage.
If we all acted as good Samaritans can we make a difference in someone's recovery from mental health?....
I do not believe that we, or I should, blame others for my mental illness because there is no known cause for the diagnosis and it does not have anything to do with my character. A common misconception about the illness is that it is caused by dysfunctional families or poor parenting- this is NOT true. Schizophrenia is brain disease and its causes are unknown. However, genetics and environmental factors do play a role in the onset of the illness.