"What I am afraid to see within and Why"..... Now this subject did spark a huge debate and a very interesting one if I may so. It is not an easy task to seek or go within. As beings we are with many layers and we have only just begun to scratch the surface of the self.
There was a time where I would be extremely afraid to look within and see what actually lies beneath the murky layers of the self. I would replace these moments with something else. The finger pointing in my direction would be pointing else where and the seeking eyes would be seeking elsewhere. The self was always given the last priority. It was unimportant and under nourished. It was always kicked to the curve.
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anaïs Nin
As time went by I began to find it very difficult to move forward. Each step forward was filled with heaviness and emptiness. Each step forward was void of any nourishment. The motions were routine like and without any connection. A feeling of being lost began to wrap me in its arms. My heart was covered by a dense thick cloud. The heart was heavy and cold.
Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves. ~Henry David Thoreau
The practice of Yoga is what encouraged my journey into the unknown of the self. The self that was waiting to emerge or be unveiled and allow to surface to the top. The journey was one that was filled with many depths and kinds of emotions. Some of which I cannot put a name to. Of what I remember Anger was the strongest of my emotions. I was confused and scared of facing this ugliness that was a part of me. I could not come to terms with this self or side of me.
Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. ~Anaïs Nin
I was afraid of facing what I had been running away from. The black and white of myself and the nuances that were torn between the two. I was afraid of confronting the many dimensions of myself. I was afraid of seeing the brutal honesty of the self.
The journey of going within was not an easy one. The initial stages were tough and void of all beauty and peacefulness. The further I ran away from it the quicker it would catch up to me.
"Know thyself?" If I knew myself, I'd run away. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The more I practiced yoga the more I wanted to seek, learn, understand and love this self. I had to stop and allow my heart to breathe. The more I surrendered to my heart the clearer my journey appeared. The stronger my heart became the more confident my path appeared. That void or emptiness that I felt began to disappear slowly.
Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen carefully. ~Littlefoot's mother, Land Before Time
Honesty was and is the key ingredient in accepting and understanding the self. When I look within honesty is by my side it never leaves my side. Befriending the subtle layers of the self is refreshing and quite interesting. I need to accept that the SELF comes with both the ying and yang, black and white or the dark and light of life and experiences.
Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it. ~Buddha