By: Allison Norris
I met my friend Sarah and her daughter for a walk. It wasn’t pouring, and if I didn’t get out of the house with cranky pants, I was going to lose my shit. Obviously, I suggested Bakery Boyfriend’s place of employment just in case he was working (again, I had showered that day… have to really take advantage of these rare occasions).
Running 5 minutes behind, Sarah sent me a text letting me know that she was waiting for me outside. I hurried to get my stroller snapped into place and buckled Baylor inside. Rushing around the corner, I spotted my friend and her daughter and parked my stroller next to hers so that I could run into the bakery sans Baylor.
Packed and filled with energy, I took a spot in line. Everyone was hustling around and Bakery Boyfriend gave me a nod. He was acting weird and nervous… but not because of me.
Dave Matthews was standing right there.
“Is that Dave Matthews?” I mouthed to him, acting like we were buds sharing an inside joke or something.
“YES!” He mouthed back, wide eyed.
“Sorry I didn’t order any baked goods, but great coffee!” Dave almost danced out of the door.
Taller than I had thought (I’d seen him once before in a restaurant sitting down – and his back was to us), and with gorgeous eyes, I too got flustered and did a quadruple-take, like my head had a twitch and someone was hitting “replay” to watch me jerk around over and over.
The barista had heard my order but just stood there in a daze. Bakery Boyfriend gave Dave an awkward wave and then turned around and exhaled. Another worker sort of smiled at me and then smacked the barista to get going on my coffee. She apologized and then all of the staff had to rehash what he had ordered, if he was nice, and what exactly he had said. Instead of actually making my coffee, the barista darted over to a friend sitting at a table and re-rehashed the whole thing again. I waited, which was actually fine because I had a reason to just stand at the counter. Expecting some sort of conversation, BB darted around and acted a little crazy. He kept smiling at me, but would then go to the far side of the counter and smile again, and come back around.
And just like that Dave Matthews totally ruined my game. Bakery Boy was flustered… and not in the way I wanted him to be. I was ready for him to slap a DMB sticker across his forehead or something.
As I waited for my coffee and things settled down, he stood at the sandwich case and got back into bakery mode. With each woman who approached, he shared a sly smile, stood a little close, and usually talked them into an extra roll even if they didn’t want one. A sales guy, and a good one. This was his thing! A total flirt. I was merely a patron who he’d hoped to collect an extra buck off of. She has a baby, perfect – I can act like I like him so she keeps coming back and maybe she’ll tip me.
It’s over. I give up. The combo of Dave and seeing his true colors of a delicious sugar-coated salesman put this crush to bed (as Lisa from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills likes to say), except everyone is in their own bed and alone.
On my drive home, I pulled over after spotting my old neighbor walking her dog. She too has a love for BB, but confirmed my new surrender by sharing that he flirts a little with her, too. After comparing stories like women who had been burned by the same lover, she gave me hope. Apparently there are TWO, not one, but TWO hotties working the deli counter at the QFC. She told me she could hardly order her deli meat because she was so flustered – and perplexed because usually someone with missing teeth or a major hairnet hands over my potato salad. Perfect. Looks like I’ll be shopping for my ham at a new location…