I am surprised at the reactions of some of my Pastors. Through this journey of recovery, I am learning to live in reality. To me, this means, breaking out of denial, being in touch with my feelings and expressing these feelings. I have had to learn, where and when it is appropriate to do so. I served for a while as an usher/greeter at church. Sunday mornings greeting people may or may not be the appropriate time to express myself.
I have expressed my self frankly to some of my pastors, sometimes, even on Sunday mornings. I have been asked, more than once, “How are you?” by a pastor. If I was having a bad day, I have responded…”not good, so-so, or struggling”. Remember, I am practicing “being real”. The responses have been pretty similar; it’s usually been a look of surprise. I try not to react to there responses, but it tells me they were expecting me to come up with a “Christian Jingo” (i.e.: Praise The Lord) .
What this tells me is this, in my effort to be healthy and practice recovery; I am working against the grain, even in the Christian culture. I can expect this and I need to persevere anyhow. My ultimate goal is to be a healthy man on the road to complete recovery.