Zombie attacks are so last week. After a troubling incident in Seattle, Washington, it’s become clear that violent, swarming leprechauns are now Public Enemy No. 1.
A Seattle man claims to be the latest victim of a string of violent assaults perpetrated by an elusive mob of wee folk. He alleges that a gang of green-clad little people jumped him outside of a Belltown bar and beat him for associating with the wrong girl.
Officers responding to the call discovered the bar fight victim covered in his own blood and screaming in agony with his head in his hands, according to the Daily Mail. When officers asked him to describe his assailants, the only thing he could tell them was: “It was a bunch of leprechauns.”
The CDC has yet to issue a statement assuring the public that they have no credible evidence of a leprechaun pandemic, so people are advised to panic and assume the worst.