When I finally crawled out of bed this morning I felt, old, defeated and depressed. I felt "dia-beaten". Well not completely. I refuse to ever let Diabetes beat me or my son but last night it gave us a good kick in the stomach that reminded me of why I so hate this disease.
Today's challenge for the Diabetes Blogfest is to list 10 things that you hate about diabetes...where to begin?
1. I hate that in an instant a high can turn into an emergency that quickly shows me how fleeting life can be and a low will keep me up all night in a panic wondering if Glucagon will be needed.
2. I hate the fact that I can never had a restful, peaceful night's sleep because highs or lows could cause disasterous results.
3. I hate the silent way it attacks my son's organs. With each out of range blood sugar, I picture small blood vessels quietly being damaged or dying.
4. I hate the fear of tomorrow--wondering if we will be able to cheat diabetes and avoid complications for his lifetime.
5. I hate when Diabetes interferes with holidays--creating lows that allow him not to participate or highs that just make him feel out of sorts. It also requires its own suitcase filled with supplies that it will not pack itself and will throw a tantrum if something is forgotten.
6. I hate that Diabetes has made me have to be extra cautious when he goes to school or away to his father's. I have to worry that he is not receiving the best of care. I hate that he is forced to carry the bulk of the responsibility for his care, despite his age, when I am not with him.
7. I hate that we have never been able to lose the diaper bag--it just became a diabetes bag. He can never just leave the house. He must take glucose, a meter and so much more.
8. I hate that he is tethered to a computer just so that he may have the best quality of life. It reminds us that he is only as healthy as we work to keep him.
9. I hate the high costs of keeping him alive and not always being able to afford the very best of care for him. I hate having to fight to get what we have and to keep him healthy for as long as possible. I hate that so many basic things are such a fight to obtain.
10. I hate the thought he will never truly be independent. When he is low, he requires someone else's help. He needs to always tell someone about his condition. If he to chooses to live on his own as an adult, his mother would still be calling all of the time to make sure he was okay. He must find a life partner who is understanding and accepting of his diseases. I hate that life for him.
11...Oops, I am supposed to stop right? Diabetes has brought blessings to our lives but the fear and lack of control that it brings to us is something that I truly and absolutely hate.