1) Wear red lipstick. On a playdate.
2) Serve breakfast for supper once a week. (It's cheap, easy and your kid will surely gobble up pancakes and bacon over steak and broccoli.)
3) Reclaim your bed. This means walking your toddler back to his big-boy bed at 2 AM, 3 AM, 3:15 AM ... and every other interval until the sun is up.
4) Stop calling stolen bites of chicken nuggets, fruit-cup remains and a stray animal cracker your lunch! Clearly, they're just your child's leftovers.
5) No Play-Doh, glitter glue or paint before 9 AM.
6) Commit to a form of exercise that doesn't involve pushing a stroller, toting an infant on your hip or chasing a toddler around.
7) When you run out for milk with your toddler in tow, do not (I repeat: Do not) return home with milk and a five-pack of Matchbox cars, no matter how bad the in-store meltdown was.
8) Have a momtini once (or twice) a week. FYI, that's apple juice and vodka, garnished with a gummy bear.
9) Dora, Ruby and Minnie may be girls, but they're not your girlfriends, so schedule a sporadic girls-night-out where you commit to talking about McDreamy, shoes you can't afford, your latest romp with your husband ... any topic except the size, shape and consistency of your baby's bowel movement will do.
10) Hug your kid and say "I love you" for no reason at all at least three times a day.
11) Park, zoo, ice cream parlor -- ENOUGH! Take your child to a place YOU like! Think museum, botanical garden or restaurant that doesn't serve a cheap toy with the meal.
12) Give yourself a mandatory time-out every single day, even if it means sitting on the couch for two precious minutes or hiding behind the bathroom door and pretending to pee.
13) Have cheese
(not Chuck E. Cheese!) and wine (not whine!) with your husband at least once a month.
14) Go to bed with blocks all over the living room, dolls left carelessly on the couch and ABC magnets astray on the kitchen floor. It's fine.
15) Wear night cream (a lot of it) -- especially if you're getting up for multiple nightly feedings. Trust me.
16) Read a book that doesn't rhyme, have a plot about magical trains or include a sound-pad option.
17) Every time you want to yell at your child for unraveling the toilet paper, drawing on the windowsill with a crayon or hiding your car keys (AGAIN), count to 10, take a breath and calmly explain why this is wrong.
18) Leave your kids with your husband, mother or babysitter -- not because you're sick or have an important errand to run, but because you want to get a manicure, drink a vanilla latte and read a tabloid.
19) Have a toy purge and donate the ones your kid has outgrown to a battered women's shelter.
20) Kate Gosselin is not your mom friend. Turn the TV off and vow to make a real-life mom friend this year!