The fourth edition of the Jonny Depp-fueled "Pirates of the Caribbean" series recently opened and has so far earned an estimated $350 million worldwide, making it one of the most lucrative franchises in cinema history. No wonder then that execs are determined to keep their money train rolling.
In fact, according to a leaked memo obtained exclusively by Opposing Views, the top brass at Disney have already plotted out the next seven installments. Here's a peak and what lies ahead for moveiegoers in the coming years:
"Pirates of the Caribbean 5: Twilight on the Seven Seas"
Jack Sparrow is forced to choose a new first mate and he's torn between a hunky werewolf and an also hunky-but-in-more-of-a-smoldering-way vampire. Includes a cameo from Justin Bieber, who will play Blackbeard's unsettlingly androgynous long lost son.
"Pirates of the Caribbean 6: Law & Order & Parrots"
The evil Lord Beckett returns and imprisons Jack Sparrow, seeking the death penalty for his myriad crimes against the East India Trading Company. At first it looks like prosecutor Sam Waterston will lock up Sparrow for good, but a last second plot twist acquits him. Everyone learns a poweful lesson about not becoming what you despise in the pursuit of justice.
"Pirates of the Caribbean 7: A Caribbean Full of Pirates"
Some piratey stuyff happens to pirates, lots of torn blouses. We'll figure it out as we're shooting.
"Pirates of the Caribbean 8: Los Pirates del Caribe"
Tired of the same ol' rum day after day, and finding themselves with a surplus of scruvy-fighting limes, the crew travels south of the equator in pursuit of a delicious, refreshing beverage. (Note: Secure sponsorship from Corona.)
"Pirates of the Caribbean 9: Ocean of Dreams"
Following the orders of a mysterious voice he believes to be the ghost of 1920's baseball player Shoeless Joe Jackson, Sparrow recruits James Earl Jones to convert his ship into a floating baseball diamond, despite pessimistic protest from the crew. It turns out the voice isn't Shoeless Joe Jackson as all, but an evil squid just messing with him.
"Pirates of the Caribbean 10: Stranded on Deja Vu Island"
A frame for frame re-shoot of "Pirates of the Carribean 2," except Keira Knightly is replaced by one of the Olson twins. (Whoever isn't in rehab at that time.)
"Pirates of the Caribbean 11: The Beginning of the Beginning of the Initial Start of the End"
It's finally time to wrap things up. In "The Beginning" Jack Sparrow uncovers a clue that will lead him to a treasure map, which will lead him to a boat, which will lead him to an ocean zombie king, who will in turn begin to set up the storyline that brings the franchise to a reluctant close.