The Olympics has so far proven to be the biggest time sink ever. Apparently the fact that you couldn't give a shit about most sports doesn't matter when it comes to the Olympics, because you can watch table tennis, the men's kayaking finals and women's judo all in about 15 minutes, without the faintest idea what's going on in any of them.
Which is there are celebrity commentators to help guide us through the whole thing. People like Gary Lineker, who know what they're talking about and can actually help us understand what's going on. People who've been involved in various sports their whole lives. People who know it inside out.
On the other hand we've got Samuel L Jackson, who is quite simply the best commentator ever:
So far the competition ain't shinin'! Russia & China strugglin'!
Well, the pool is too short & the mats r too small. The ladies survive a weak Floor Exercise, judges be damned! Go USA!
F*ck! Another short pool loss!
Ahhight!! Good MUPFUGHKEAN Beamin'!! Looking' solid. Still wanna put foot to those judges asses though!
Got slightly HOSED on that apparatus pass, but no gag reel sh*t for the gals! Go USA!
Dope Ass start for the women gymnasts! Feeling' good about our chances! These "judgement" sports are sketchy...@ best!
Great women's 400 Freestyle....5 more meters & we'da caught dat French Ass!
Hansen gets a lil' revenge, comeback was worth it. "Shiniest Bronze medal you'll ever see".
Mmmmmmm, Grudge Swim comin' up! Izzat gangster?
BUTTAFUQQINFLY WORLD RECORD!!!! Dayummmm! Go USA!
SEVENTYFUKKINTWO??!!!!! Really??!! And that Canadian dive was ALL F*cked Up!
Americans getting BONED on Sync Diving scores!
On the upside.... Got a shooting Gold & advanced in Men's Volleyball & Water Polo! Go USA!!!
Tried to watch Boxing, BORING! Might need to change to UFC/MMA style to draw interest!
Water Polo!!! As dope as always! Speed, tuffness, durability. STRONG SWIMMAFOUGKAHZ!
Woke up to 16 yr old Ariel Hsing dusting ass in Ping Pong for USA!! btw, when did BB gun become an Olympic sport?
Told y'all, ladies weightlifting drama! Lil' babes, picking up heavy sh*t!
Bout to shut it down. Looks like Romania ain't what it used to be...in gymnastics.prolly gon fall asleep to that White Water Kayaking!
Follow him on @SamuelLJackson. It's worth it, we promise. If only to hear him say 'water polo is dope' again.