Great news! Kim Kardashian says her next wedding will be on an island. Sure, she’s not technically divorced from the dude she was previously married to for 72 days, but that shouldn’t keep someone from planning the repeat wedding of the century? It takes at least three weeks to get your wedding planner to get monogrammed rhythmic gymnastic ribbons and a Lucite dance floor. So she’s got some time. And the rest of American needs time to prepare for this extravaganza.
This is what I am thinking. Since she’s tight with Joe Francis, that revolting guy who peddles videos of drunken college girls lifting their tops on Spring Break, she might consider his palatial sperm mansion on the beach in Mexico. Granted, guests might have some initial concerns regarding possible beheadings or getting kidnapped for ransom, but the weather would be fantastic. And who doesn’t want to celebrate in a beautiful home probably filled with secret cameras in all the bathrooms?
Or she might consider a fun destination wedding in Jamaica. There’s apparently a clothes optional resort there, which would be perfect for all her friends at Vivid to stay.
I think she should consider Seaside Heights in New Jersey. It’s an easy drive from New York City and she could hold the rehearsal dinner at that crack house the gang on Jersey Shore is forced to share.
Martha’s Vineyard won’t take her. They’ve got strict rules regarding television cameras, skywriting, and her traveling fleet of personal photographers.
I am sure someone will suggest Malibu, but LeeAnn Rimes got married there. So obviously it’s been jinxed.
So that leaves Boca Raton (noise ordinances), South Beach (she’d be lost in the sea of drag queens), and the Gulf Coast of Mississippi (haven’t they been through enough)?
But wherever she chooses I am sure it will be a quiet affair (four page spread in People Magazine), with a guitar player (and an orchestra), a simple strapless dress (with five other dresses for optimum narcissistic effect), and some entertainment (a fireworks display and F-18 fighter jets).
Kate Casey is a Pop Culture Lover. PR Pro. New mom. Comedy nerd. Celebrity gossip fan. Follow her on Twitter @KateCasey