Just like all the other people who frequently get told to shut the fuck up for being moralistic and dull, Jodie Foster's angry at the world for treating Kristen Stewart so terribly cruelly over her recent kissing sessions with married man Rupert Sanders. Apparently when we were saying she cheated on average actor Robert Pattinson, we weren't just interfering in her life, we were stealing her childhood.
Now Jodie may have a point, but that doesn't mean she has the right to bore the living fuck out of us telling us why. In the following article she wrote for The Daily Beast, she reveals several things: a) actors should stick to reading other people's writing, b) it's much easier to say 'I would have never been an actor' when you're a wealthy 50 year old actor, and c) Anyone who actually listens to 14 year old girls' opinions' on fidelity deserves to be bullied.
"I have been an actress since I was 3 years old, 46 years to date. I have no memories of a childhood outside the public eye. I am told people look to me as a success story. Often complete strangers approach me and ask, How have you stayed so normal, so well-adjusted, so private? I usually lie and say, “Just boring I guess.” The truth is, like some curious radioactive mutant, I have invented my own gothic survival tools. I have fashioned rules to control the glaring eyes."
Ok, seems fair enough.
"If I were a young actor or actress starting my career today in the new era of social media and its sanctioned hunting season, would I survive? Would I drown myself in drugs, sex, and parties? Would I be lost?"
Starting to be a little dramatic here, Jodie.
"I’ve said it before and I will say it again: if I were a young actor today I would quit before I started. If I had to grow up in this media culture, I don’t think I could survive it emotionally. I would only hope that someone who loved me, really loved me, would put their arm around me and lead me away to safety."
"In 2001 I spent 5 months with Kristen Stewart on the set of Panic Room mostly holed up in a space the size of a Manhattan closet. We talked and laughed for hours, sharing spontaneous mysteries and venting our boredom. I grew to love that kid. She turned 11 during our shoot and on her birthday I organized a mariachi band to serenade her at the taco bar while she blew out her candles. She begrudgingly danced around a sombrero with me but soon rushed off to a basketball game with the grip and electric departments…
"…I was pregnant at the time and found myself daydreaming of the child I might have soon. Would she be just like Kristen? All that beautiful talent and fearlessness … would she jump and dunk and make me so proud? "
Oh oh. I think we know where this is going…
"There’s this image I have of a perfect moment. It comes to me as a square format 8mm home movie with ’70s oversaturated reds and blues, no sound, just a scratchy loop … there’s a little white-haired girl twirling in the surf. She’s singing at the top of her lungs, jumping and spinning around in the cold water, all salty, sandy, full of joy and confidence. She’s unconscious of the camera, of course, in her own world. The camera shakes a little. Perhaps her mom’s laughing behind the lens. Could a child be more loved than in this moment? She’s perfect. She is absolutely perfect."
And the finale we're all expecting?
"Cut to: Today … A beautiful young woman strides down the sidewalk alone, head down, hands drawn into fists. She’s walking fast, darting around huge men with black cameras thrusting at her mouth and chest. “Kristen, how do you feel?” “Smile Kris!” “Hey, hey, did you get her?” “I got her. I got her!” The young woman doesn’t cry. Fuck no. She doesn’t look up. She’s learned. She keeps her head down, her shades on, fists in her pockets. Don’t speak. Don’t look. Don’t cry."
Yep, that's the one. It's a shame there wasn't a baseball metaphor in there somewhere as well. Still, you can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, Kirsten. Remember that.