Joan Rivers on Her Funeral: 'My Hair is Blowing Just Like Beyonce's'

Comedienne Joan Rivers died today at age 81 after unexpected complications from throat surgery last week caused her to stop breathing and left her on life support.

According to CNN, Rivers' funeral will be held in New York City on Sunday at the Temple Emanu-El.

However, her funeral is not likely to be how she planned it in her 2013 book "I Hate Everyone… Starting with Me."

According to Mashable, Rivers wrote in her autobiography:

When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything’s in your name), I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action…I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way.

I don’t want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don’t want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing “Mr. Lonely.” I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyonce’s.

Rivers also gave her opinion on dying of natural causes, reports Uproxx.com:

I hate people who die of natural causes; they just don't understand the moment. It's the grand finale, act three, the eleven o'clock number — make it count. If you're going to die, die interesting! Is there anything worse than a boring death? I think not. When my time comes I'm going to go out in highs type.

I have no intention of being sick or lingering or dragging on and on and boring everyone I know. I have no intention of coughing and wheezing for months on end. One morning you'll wake up and read a headline: Joan Rivers Found Dead...On George Clooney's Face. Clooney Was So Bereft All He Could Say Was, "Xjfhfyrnem."

Rivers wrote in The Hollywood Reporter in 2012 that she never planned to become a comedienne, but rather an actress:

I didn’t even want to be a comedian. Nobody wanted to be a comedian. Nowadays, everyone wants to be a comedian... I wanted to be an actress. I was an office temp when one secretary said to me: “You’re very funny. You should go do stand-up, be a comedian. They make $6 a night some places.”

And I said, “That’s more than I’m making as an office temp” -- I made eight, but I had to also pay for my Correcto-Type because I was a lousy speller -- so I thought, “Oh, I could do that and have days free to make the rounds.” And that’s why I became a comedian.

Sources: The Hollywood Reporter, CNN, Mashable, Uproxx.com (Image Credit: David Shankbone)


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