Star Magazine this week claims Nicole Kidman has urged Kelly Preston to leave John Travolta and head to Nashville so she can be coddled in the spaghetti arms of her old friend from the cult.
“Nicole called Kelly as soon as she heard about John’s issues,” a friend says. “She is urging Kelly to come to her ranch in Tennessee for a month with her kids, Ella and Benjamin. Nic thinks her friend needs time away from John, so she can get counseling from non-Scientologists.”
It would be a sweet story if it were not for that fact that there is no way in he-ll that these two girls ever chat. See, once Nicole fled the Church she was labeled a suppressive person, which basically means you are a crusader for the anti-galactic space team. Still confused? It means you aren’t drinking what they are selling. So they cut you off. So Kelly Preston is not sitting with her baggage on the Travolta family runway waiting for the Kidman private jet to pick her up and whisk her off to safety.
But it would be great, wouldn’t it? This is what I imagine.
Kelly sits in a rocking chair on the Kidman/Urban porch in rural Tennessee watching Nicole’s fleet of nannies care for all the children. She is in a prairie dress, because that’s what you do in ole Tennessee. And she’s got a shotgun sitting beside her too, just incase some church members in a white van try to stop by for a chat.
Kidman enters porch left.
Kelly: It sure is nice here, Nic. You’ve got a real nice life here.
Kidman: This shit hole? God, I hate it.
Kelly: What? With all these trees and your man just sitting in the other room singing love songs for you?
Kidman: Like nails on a chalkboard. He never stops. Everything is a song with him. (She starts singing). Oh, sweet mama, can I love you more than I …. already do? Ma’am. Loving you, my lady love.
Kelly: John hasn’t said those words to me in years. He’s always busy. Says he’s got work out back. Always hanging with the boys. “Just another guy’s trip, Kell. Can’t go.”
Kidman: Well, you’re here now. So let’s have some fun.
Kelly: Great! Like what?
Kidman: Let’s go to yoga, go for a hike, and then study the lines in my face and marvel at my hair.
Kelly: When do we eat?
Kidman: I don’t eat. Sorry.
Kate Casey is a Pop Culture Lover. PR Pro. New mom. Comedy nerd. Celebrity gossip fan. Follow her on Twitter @KateCasey