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Grizzly Bears, Moose, and Other Terrorist Enablers

David Cassuto

Apparently, those darn grizzly bears are putting our nation at risk. Noting darkly that “the threat from the north is real,” a group of Republican lawmakers are concerned that grizzlies and other transboundary species are interfering with the Department of Homeland Security’s ability to protect the motherland.

I’m glad these folks had the courage to raise this sensitive issue. Emboldened by their audacity, I too am ready to come forward. I am worried — terrified, actually — that migratory songbirds might be preparing to wage jihad. After all, do we really know where they go when they migrate?  And what do they do when they’re away?  To be honest, I don’t even think they have passports.

Helloooo …  Can anyone say “no-fly list?”

Btw, those looking to put a name with this initiative need look no further than the inimitable Rob Bishop of Utah, whose comments regarding the Captive Primate Safety Act (proposed following the unfortunate mauling of a Connecticut woman by a captive chimpanzee) were already the stuff of legend.  

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