There’s a well-known double standard that often pops up in the casual dating world: Men frequently want women to sleep with them for casual sex, but they’re quick to judge if she’s done that with many other people before.
This obviously flawed -- but all too common -- idea was touched on by Thought Catalog blogger Chrissy Stockton recently in a piece titled "I Asked A 'Nice Guy' How Many Guys A Girl Can Sleep With Before She’s A Slut." Stockton says that men she has slept with casually often ask how many partners she’s had and get upset if she gives them an honest answer. These men pursued casual sex with her, she points out, but judged when they found out she’s done the same with other people. Here, according to Stockton, is what people should realize.
“If sleeping together after a few weeks of texting and a few hours of drinks makes you feel okay when it’s me doing it with you, [then] you need to be okay with me doing it before you came along,” she says.
To prove her point, Stockton asked a friend she describes as a nice guy how many men a woman can sleep with before flags go off in his head. Keep in mind, Stockton says, this man has slept with 17 women. Here was his answer.
“He said he thought three was plenty,” she writes, “And his inflection really did emphasize plenty. He’s 30, for reference, and has slept with 17 women. His own number isn’t a factor, he argues, because women are the gatekeepers of sex so of course he’ll try for as many as he can get, while women should try for as few as they can resist.”
The problem here isn’t too hard to see: it takes two people to have sex.
“Men want women’s sexuality,” she says, “but they can only deal with it when it exists wholly for them. If a woman is sexual about anything other than you in particular, it’s a problem. That’s when she’s a slut.”
Stoctkton says that unless you’re someone who by choice hasn’t slept with many people yourself, this is pure hypocrisy.
“I’d get it if a guy was really conservative himself,” she says. “I don’t care, you’re allowed to be a prude if you want to be one, but I don’t get the magical thinking of going for a girl who isn’t like that and then being upset about what you knew from the start. I’m sorry you can’t have your cake and eat it too, but I also really can’t believe I have to be the one to tell you how life works.”
Photo Credit: WLKY