Why I’d Marry Ann Coulter

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B.P. Terpstra

Ann Coulter is right to defend the time-honored institution of marriage. It’s what separates critical-thinking Americans from left-liberal barbarians (aka socialist Europeans). In Portugal, the state ceased fighting the “war on drugs” and defending husband-and-wife families, only to become a bigger socio-economic basket case. A little secret: Doped up fatherless boys are dependent citizens! Who’d have guessed?

As for the Netherlands, the happy picture libertarians painted us was based on an Orwellian government-first lie, swallowed whole by Cato, for decades.  Blessing dopey fatherless families only created more government-dependence, but that’s another story. Still, to be fair to my Dutch cousins, they’re trying to rewind the clock. We were wrong. It’s just that liberal Dutch arrogance prevents us from saying so.

I’ve seen the progressive revolutions – and they’re beautiful lies; big juicy lies supported by communists and their enablers (aka libertarians). It probably explains why, in part, even Frenchmen are making right turns. This month, for example, to the fury of self-identified communists and socialists, France’s lower house of parliament rejected a bill to redefine marriage.  Or as Coulter probably responded, “All the manly French guys are on my side.”

So, are sheltered libertarians naïve or certifiable?  As the columnist and author of eight New York Times bestsellers noted last week, “They lure you in with talk of small government and then immediately start babbling about drug legalization or gay marriage.”

And, I love this Coulterism: “There are reasons we have laws governing important institutions, such as marriage. As in landscaping, you don't remove a wall until you know why it was put there.”

In her latest New York Times bestselling book, Demonic, Coulter also explains, “Rich liberals want chaos for everyone except themselves, confident that they can afford a ‘green’ lifestyle and their children will still attend Sidwell Friends. The rest of us are forced to live in a lawless universe of no energy, gay marriage, girl soldiers, and marauding criminals because liberals can’t enjoy their wealth unless other people are living in complete havoc.”

Alas, it’s always the same with “libertarians”. Go after one self-supporting Coulter, while tiptoeing around taxpayer-funded parasites.  Or as the hysterical Ryan McMacken shouts, “Ann Coulter, that warmongering demagogue of Conservatism, has declared war on Ron Paul” (just because she doesn’t plan to bless little Heather’s five welfare-dependent mommies, my guess).

McMacken claimed, “The Church recognized that with marriage being a sacrament, the state had no more right to regulate marriage than it had the right to regulate who could be baptized or who could be ordained a priest.”

No. In times past, the Church was basically the state! Today, we can’t even point a sword to bastard-creating studs, or other family wreckers, because seasonal libertarians would scream for Nanny. McMacken isn’t doing history. He’s doing taxpayers over.

In the Western world, we need limited government, to uphold positive pre-political institutions, including physical and social borders, in order to guard civilization. Or think of it this way: Did Poland regret not having a big army to protect her borders after she was invaded by Stalin’s Red Russians and Hitler’s National Socialists?

Incidentally, the weakening of marriage morals before Europe’s famous falls, gave them dictatorships. But that too is another history lesson.  Adults-only libertarians need to be told that marriage isn’t like Coca-Cola. Calls to “privatize” marriage are just excuses to appease.

One final secret:  I only half-jokingly tell people, “I’m an Ann Coulter fan first and an Australian-European second.” But in all seriousness, there’s a rumor floating around feral Portugal: Apparently, even crowded fatherless-dominated jails are cheaper than crowded hospitals.