What Does BYU Honor Code Say About being Gay?

Thanks for the thought provoking post! I'm a Mormon and a BYU graduate who is gay. I wasn't a collegiate athlete, but I am a runner and competed in local and school-sponsored races while I was at BYU. Does that count? I also was one of about a dozen gay students who was invited to meet with school administrators in 2007 to discuss the wording of the honor code section on homosexuality. After that discussion, BYU changed the code to take away some ambiguous and potentially harmful language. I appreciate that BYU's standards for the conduct of its students are clearly explained and that students are expected to keep that commitment.
There are definitely a lot of gay students at BYU and I suppose some of them were athletes. My friends were mostly the scholarly/artsy type, so I never knew of any first hand.
I'd like to respond to a few of your points. You put quotes around "welcome" in paragraph 4. I think those quotes could be removed. From my experience at least, students who experience same gender attraction but are committed to keeping the honor code and what we believe are God-given standards are warmly welcomed at BYU. There are certainly some bigots at BYU. Some Mormon kids only know as much about gay people as they have seen on TV . However, you have to remember that most of the male students at BYU and many of the females spend 18-24 months as missionaries, many times in foreign cultures. Apart from that, the students at BYU are extraordinarily bright and committed to Christian principles. I generally found BYU students to be more open-minded, more tolerant, and more intellectually curious than the general Mormon church and population and society in general. From a top-down perspective, the LDS church leadership and the BYU administration keenly, and I would say universally value gay people as a part of our community. The church standards regarding chastity are strict. I was able to maintain those standards as a BYU students. Sometimes it was difficult or frustrating to not be able to physically express the most passionate feelings in my heart. You have to remember though that this is the same thing that is expected of straight BYU students. We all had to keep our romantic feelings in check. At the same time as we're trying not to have sex, we're also trying not to smoke, drink, swear, fight, etc. I know that sounds restrictive to a lot of readers but you have to remember that this is not something that is imposed on us. We choose to follow these standards because we have seen that doing it makes us better off than if we just let loose and do whatever feels good at the moment. I want to make clear though, that the atmosphere at church and at BYU about these standards is generally very supportive and realistic. It is not emotionally abusive or hypocritical. When you live in this framework and really believe in it, it doesn't feel like a list of things you can't do, it feels like a list of things you don't want to do.
I'm not sure what the specific physical limits are as far as male-to-male contact becoming an honor code violation. I don't have any personal experience with the honor code office. My perception from my friends' experiences is that the honor code office and ecclesiastical leaders at BYU are considerate and pragmatic and the option of expelling someone from the university was only done in rare circumstances as a last resort. Most commonly, people who violated the code recommitted to keep it and stayed in the university. My friends who decided to pursue gay sexual relationships usually finished the term at BYU and then transferred to another university.
You asked who a gay person at BYU could turn to support. Ecclesiastical leaders are probably the most common resource a gay kid would turn to after his or her parents and family. The LDS uses a lay leadership, so leaders are not formally trained in counseling and, while meaning well, may or may not know the best advice to give a young person dealing with this. BYU does have a free counseling center with therapists who are trained and supportive. I visited the counseling center weekly for one semester as I was sorting some things out. The counselors there are probably not "gay-affirming" in the sense that you mean, but they are affirming of the individual and never made me feel like I was fundamentally broken or needed to be changed. Mostly, they just helped me talk through things and made me examine my perspectives. Finally, there is a large group of gay students. At least when I graduated a few years ago, there was no formal gay student group, but there are plenty of online groups and gay Mormon bloggers who meet socially and support each other. While I was at BYU, probably more than ever in my life, I was surrounded by a network of friends (gay and straight) with whom I shared deep common beliefs and emotions. If nothing else, Mormons are super, and I would say authentically nice people.

Everything you never wanted to know about the BYU Honor Code can be found here:

http://www.signaturebookslibrary.org/byu/chapter3.htm #honor

Not quite sure how the Mormons reconcile this declaration of their namesake prophet, Brigham Young, but I'll leave that to the defenders of the faith . . . apparently it didn't make it into the 'honor code':

"Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race ? If the white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain [African race], the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This will always be so." (Mormon Prophet Brigham Young - Journal of Discourses, vol. 10, p. 110).

I was not going to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints when I realized and admitted I was attracted to the Same Sex, even though I had repressed my sexuality the best I could. But, I had special spiritual experiences that confirmed that it was the right thing to do -- and I was blessed for being a missionary in countless ways, the most important and fond part of the mission being close to and feeling the love of our Savior. The rules are to help us be holy so we can have a relationship with Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father and be instruments in the hands of God to bring others unto Christ. And, there is no greater joy than serving others and seeing them partake of the Lord's goodness. The mission of BYU is the same, to help the student achieve this, strengthen one on the path to eternal life, and gain at the same time a great education . So, if you leave out these most important of details, then yes, it would seem unfair to not experience gay romance. But, Satan is clever, and I highly doubt two gay men attracted to each other who get too overly familiar physically would not ignite sexual thoughts and feelings, since men respond -- in most cases -- differently and more quickly sexually than do women. This article makes it sound like you are victimized -- and many times I have felt lonely and wish I could enjoy romance and companionship -- if you cannot kiss another man. Gay men need love and touch and friendship; not necessarily a passionate kiss.