Come see, I’ve built this very excellent and very tall skyscraper, which is where I keep my Wants.
I am, above all, a very good Wanter. It has become very easy to want ever since I had this lovely modern elevator installed. See how it goes up and down the outside of the building? I modeled it after escalator at the Pompidou. That’s a museum in Paris.
Here’s the first floor. These are my Thing Wants. I want that blue skirt, see there? Check out the Fantasies, every Want has one. The Fantasies about these things I want are all ground floor material – see in this one, everything is happening just like it is in reality, I just happen to be wearing this blue skirt. See how that works? Kid stuff, really.
Let’s skip some levels, let’s go up to level 50. This is where it gets good. The Situational Wants. Through this window here, if you want to have a look, is the New Job Fantasy. It’s a good one: I’m a columnist for The New Yorker. There’s Sasha Frere-Jones, asking me for music advice. That guy, he’s a card. These Fantasies are quite a bit above the ground-level material – the only constant in them is me. It’s sophisticated Wanting – not for the amateur.
Let’s just go all the way to the top, the 100th floor. That’s where it gets really interesting. The scaffolding is pretty dicey up here, so don’t move around too much. Actually, don’t move at all. Check it out – these are my Personal Wants. See, there’s Penelope Cruz’ face, attached to my yoga instructor’s body. She’s headed to the typewriter, that’s good. She’s got the talent of Virginia Woolf, without the depression. Every time she types she writes a version of Mrs. Dalloway that’s exactly 110x better than the original.
What do you mean, who is she? That’s me! You can’t tell? Well geez, let’s just get closer, lean in a little, see, she has my…my…aaah!
Oh shit, now we’ve done it.
Ow, where did we land? What is this, a ranch house? It’s not furnished, even. Oh, you’re right, there are some pillows on the floor. Would I like a cup of tea? Of course, thank you. I’ll just sit here, in this ray of sun. I might cry just a little.
Thanks for the hug, I Needed that.