Violent Crime Drops 5.5% in 2009, GOP Blames Obama

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Responding to an FBI report that says violent crime dropped by 5.5% overall across the country -- and in all four regions of the U.S. in 2009 -- angry Republican leaders immediately criticized President Barack Obama for the lack of more murders and rapes during his first year in office.

"We have a president who is apparently going to stand by and just watch the rate of crime drop," said John Boehner (R-Ohio). "Frankly, that is un-American. This country should be number 1 in everything -- job loss, war-mongering, violent crime. Then again, what else do you expect from this Administration and the activist judges destroying our Consitution?"

The Tea Party convened an emergency meeting on Monday so they could draw more racist posters that mock Obama as a "Peace-Loving, Kenyan Ghandi Wannabe."

"Less crime? My God, what has happened to our country?" Tea Party leader Mark Williams said. "What happened to all the black-on-black crime of my youth? As a boy, I remember the beautiful sound of gunshots and savage beatings down the block (way down the block). Now we have a president who is playing basketball while that beloved American tradition ends."

Sarah Palin took to her Facebook page right after the report was announced: "Todd and me (sic) are worried sick about this disturbing trend. Obama said he was four (sic) change. Is this the kind of socialist change he was blabbing about? I mean, he's already trying too (sic) take our guns away from us -- now he wants to take away our crime? Think about our future generations. Think about them walking to school without fear. I don't want to live in that America."

A tearful Glen Beck appeared at his blackboard: What did the Nazis do right before World War II? They tried to stop violent crime. Of course, they did some violent things -- but the drop in crime came first! Well, Barack Obama is succeeding at his grand master plan, and we're just standing by. We become more and more like Nazi Germany each day.

On his Excellence in Broadcasting Network, Rush Limbaugh chastised the president, saying "this is a wake up call for all good people who care about this country. Barack Hussein Obama is more concerned about some greasy seagulls than the loss of American crime. This is an outrage! Bring back Bush!"

In an emergency session, the Arizona Legislature passed SB 2020, which will immediately arm all brown people illegal aliens with automatic weapons, knowing they will surely rob the nearest convenience store and drive the crime rate back where it belongs.