Top 16 Ways to Get a Woman, According to The Bible
This list was sent to me by Ed Babinski:
1) Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. (Deut. 21:11-13) [About the command that her nails be trimmed, you wouldn’t want her to scratch your eyes out, would you? "When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and they Lord thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou has taken them captive, And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldst have her to wife, Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house; and she shall shave her head, and pare [trim] her nails." (Deut. 21:10,11,12)]
2) “Lay hold on” a virgin who is not betrothed to another man, and have sex with her, but afterwards pay her father a sum of money. Then she’s yours. (Deut. 22:28-29)
3) Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)
4) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.--Moses (Ex. 2:16-21)
5) Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.--Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
6) Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.--Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
7) Have God create a wife for you while you sleep.Note: this will cost you a rib.--Adam (Gen. 2:19-24)
8) Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife.--Jacob (Gen. 29:15-30)
9) Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife.--David (1 Sam. 18:27)
10) Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone.--Cain (Gen. 4:16-17)
11) Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.--Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
12) When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.”--Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
13) Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though.)--David (2 Sam. 11)
14) Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law!)--Onan and Boaz (Deut. or Lev., example in Ruth)
15) Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.--Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
16) A wife?--Paul (1st Corinthians, chapter 7, see below)
It is good for a man not to touch a woman … For I would that all men were even as I myself… I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I… But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn… I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be… Are you loosed from a wife? seek not a wife… The time is short: it remains that they that have wives be as though they had none… He that is unmarried cares for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married cares for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married cares for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit… that you may attend upon the Lord without distraction. - 1 Corinthians 7:1,7,8-9,26-27,29,32-35
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Another example of why superstitions with religions in the front row poison everything.
If you don't want to take "holy" books literally, you should make good use of the paper leafs in these kings of books in the bathroom.
In times of need people have been known to use anything that is handy, including their hands. Right now, we know that a certain city in New Jersey has stopped buying toilet paper for government offices. It would be the ultimate separation of church and state if that city provided bibles for that purpose. There are two possible takes on this - the paper isn't holy, but the words might be. As I have said before, the words in the Bible, the Christian Holy Book, and the Q'uran must be interpreted within the context of the times that they were written and interpreted by humans (perhaps inspired by "the Force").
We go from respect of peoples right to have faith, to disrespect of individual faiths. You should be in the supreme court . You've got this constitution thing down pat.
I don't follow anyone, because those that appear to be on the same path usually end up just getting in my way.
The NC General Assembly recently fired a Pastor from doing invocations because he insisted on ending prayers with the name of Jesus. I agree with that firing. There is a clear difference between having a moment of silence that allows all to pray or not according to the dictates of their intellect and common sense. If you have a chance, check out the Treaty of Tripoli, written in 1797, signed into law by President Adams, and approved with the unanimous vote of Senate (5th Congress). Article 11 clearly affirms in words that the United States is NOT a Christian nation. They sure knew how to follow the Constitution. We should as well.
What does the US not being a christian nation (not having religious adherance laws ) have to do with it? If all the members present agreed with the prayer , that is neither forced nor establishment. If they don't all approve, then no public prayer.
Do you really expect a pastor to leave out his savior in a prayer if he feels he is required to ask for things, from God, in Christs' name? Seems like the first mistake was asking someone that takes christianity seriously to lead the prayer. They should have chosen one of those pastors that don't have a problem watering down their beliefs in order to conform or fit in.
Back to your previous comment. Your suggestion wouldn't be adhering to "separation", but rather like you'd be wiping your ass with the constitution as well.
I don't follow anyone, because those that appear to be on the same path usually end up just getting in my way.
It so happens that the NC Legislature has agnostic, Jewish and Muslim members. There are even some Christian's who don't care to hear the name of Jesus (Jehovah's Witnesses for one). The President of the state ACLU wrote a very nice explanation for our paper.
As to literal interpretation of the Bible (I mean the real one, not the Christian Manual), Rabbi's throughout the years have applied rational thought to periodically update meaning and move away from literality. There are groups of scholars who spend their lives studying and commenting.
It's a matter of who agrees and who complains. If there are jews that don't want to hear a christian prayer , then there's no christian prayer.
Literal fits into this conversation...where? When it comes to other "christians" or jews, I don't care what some rabbi or liberal thinks of the bible . I come to my own conclusions based on what I read.
There are people who spend their whole lives researching the bible and believe what I do, and some that are even more conservative than I am.
I don't follow anyone, because those that appear to be on the same path usually end up just getting in my way.
I though maybe I would just put a bowl of split pea soup on the deck during the next lightning storm or maybe chase down meteors and pour a bit of miracle grow on them when they hit the ground.
They may take a bit longer than the suggestions above, but I'm a busy guy and don't have a lot of spare time to invest on doing it mysef.
I don't follow anyone, because those that appear to be on the same path usually end up just getting in my way.
that this person wanted to write something but could think of nothing.
that yours is the best analysis I've yet read about this article...