Parenting

A Christian Approach to Keeping Sex and Marriage Fresh

| by Jill Sweetman

Selecting a partner
Marriage is an overwhelming thought for many of us. Living and loving another for life is a challenge.

Probably the greatest consideration for a marriage partner is counting the cost. Am I prepared to live with the things I don’t like about the other? Am I prepared to make the necessary changes that this marriage requires? If yes, then one must be determined to stick with this commitment.

Novelty and Mystery
For most, the novelty of marriage commences to fade about six months to a year after the wedding. New hobbies, cars, homes and babies do provide some satisfaction, but they are not the injection that a marriage needs. Marriage is a day-to-day mystery that requires the input of two people determined to look out for the other.

Each of us has areas in life that need nurturing. We can be good at caring for our own world, but often neglect the hurting areas of the other. Does she need to be told that she is still beautiful? Perhaps he needs to be reassured that he is the best in the world. As much as we know that the lines, “you complete me” or “you’re my everything” are false, they are still reassuring to hear from the other.

Sex And The Bedroom
Regarding marital sex, it can diminish due to tiredness, work and family commitments. Not only does ‘the act’ stop, but also discussions regarding sex. It becomes an unspoken topic filled with assumptions. This means that there are now barriers and unknowns about the other.

One or the other has to start asking questions. These shouldn’t be accusatory, but light and loving in words and action. Marriage needs regular injections of care and love.

As couples building a life together, look at the bedroom. Many use it to sort the laundry, it’s a nursery, our home office, or it’s decorated to impress the neighbors. It’s no longer the place for romance and intimacy. This means that the bedroom needs a revamp. Clean it out, put as much stuff into other rooms and closets as possible, light some candles, put on some music and get creative.

One of the greatest hurdles for most of us is our embarrassment. However the Shulamite woman in Song of Solomon had no dad, no co-education or sex education, and had dark and weathered skin, which was such a no for these times. Yet she wore it as a trophy, rather than an embarrassment.

Solomon, on the other hand, knew that his role in this mystery was to provide assurance. He complimented her continuously, but also understood the price she’d paid in leaving her homeland. He therefore brought things from her home to create security and an atmosphere that she appreciated.