2012 Fantasy Football Playoffs are Here

This season was a tale of two teams for the Botches Birds and KP’s Panty Droppers. As many folks would see it, it was a tale of two streaks. A large winning streak following by a season ending 6 game losing streak for one team and a losing streak followed up by a season ending 6 game winning streak. In what was a completely unexpected change of fortunes for both teams, it’s apparent that this fantasy expert had some tough luck and was victim of a double trade rape.

In the league of Ramrod there was a Snuggles Gonna *!%# Ya, Marmot, Johnny Mox, Cheese Curds and even an Asian Sensation to compete against Botch’s Birds. In the first part of the season the Birds started off strong out the gate and piled on wins thanks for his opponent’s poor output. Sitting in the driver’s seat, he felt temped to trade with the benevolent and big-headed Asian Sensation to acquire Morris and Vincent Jackson for the services of Jordy Nelson and Darren McFadden. This trade was a serious upgrade for Botch’s birds but the fantasy football gods pissed all over Botch’s matchups moving forward for tinkering with a 1st place roster. That same trade partner went on to beat down the Botch’s Birds in week 13 to snag the last playoff spot away from him. In what could be called one of the most improbably fall from graces, Botch’s Birds lost two games by half a point in weeks 11 and 12. Botch’s Birds became euphoric when his greatest nemesis, Snuggles, got *#&%ed in the first round of playoffs.

Now it’s up to Jon Moxen to bring the trophy back to the commissioner’s home. His team is so appropriately named after the QB from Varsity Blues. Mox’s team looks pretty beastly coming down the stretch with Brady and Peterson anchoring his squad into the semis this weekend. A dubious matchup in the championship could await if the Filthy Marmots advance. The Marmots have notoriously been a Botch’s Birds/DC Stizzleskins piss-on for numerous years. However, this season the midget Marmots are looking stout as a couple of rookies in RGIII and Trent Richardson, along with Beast Mode anchor his squad. Who will bring home the hardware this season? My bet is on proud Papa Moxen. Whipped cream bikinis all around!

In the tale of KP Panty Droppers I will try to keep it as concise as possible. KP is taking his show out of that *#@&show of that league to join an expert league next season where there the commissioner and his family don’t comprise over 50% of the league. When the league starts cracking down on friendly smack talk, imposes league-votes for vetoing trades and blocks your team settings and ability to communicate with the league it’s time to pack it up and move on. The most memorable moment in the league must have been Commissioner DC Hawks Hemingway banning KP’s squad from posting anything via the league, not allowing him to change his team settings/team name due to his continued paranoia and his bro’s DesertCoug sensitivity.

The season has been a about as pleasant as an enema (yeah the anal one). We can blame Commissioner Hemingway’s unsustainable paleo diet and pressure to procreate in this instance. After succumbing to a solid team with Cam Newton and the Seahawks D, who absolutely crushed it last week, it’s safe to say that KP’s squad will be moving on to play in more fun fantasy leagues. The league will be losing at least three teams so it’s a trend. KP’s Panty Droppers knocked the lousy commissioner out of 1st place in the final week of the regular season and also took his money in the suicide pool, so he’s leaving the league on top.

Good luck all you knuckleheads this week in reaching all your championship games!