Nobody Should be Feeling Sorry for Lance Armstrong

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For years, Lance Armstrong has expected the world to believe that he was clean despite overwhelming evidence that he was dirtier than a toilet seat.

“No, no, it’s the government! It’s a witch hunt!

Hm…tough to continue on with that strategy, eh Lance? You dirtbag.

Attacked with cries from Lance’s camp to release the information that was caused the U.S. Anti Doping Agency to strip him of his Tour de France medals (because Lance’s camp was pretending that the information didn’t exist), the USADA did just that…and it’s real as Lance Armstrong’s decision to cheat on the wife that stayed with him through his cancer with Sheryl Crow.

Check this out from a CBC article:

“Following a two-year investigation, the agency concludes that Armstrong used performance enhancing drugs and blood transfusions to cheat the system, and that he pressured others to do the same.

What’s more, 26 witnesses — including 11 of Armstrong’s former teammates — have backed various aspects of the allegations.”

Ha! Is that not unbelievably awesome? I heard it last night while I was lying in my bed with Sportscenter on in the background and I audibly laughed. Well Lance, you wanted the evidence – here it is. Every single one of your teammates testified against you. In fact, they said that you were the king of doping, and that you were there to HAND OUT VIALS OF EPO TO TEAMMATES IF THEY WERE IN NEED.

What a loser. He kept proclaiming that everyone was against him, that Floyd Landis just had an ax to grind and was jealous of Lance’s success. Uh, nope. Landis actually doesn’t even hate you – he just thinks you’re a cheating lunatic. He knows that not only did you cheat, but you were the catalyst and the biggest proponent of the most well-hidden blood-doping ring in the history of mankind.

When this news came out last night, a defiant Lance – rather then simply just admitting what everyone knows, that he blood doped his way to every single success in his life – tweeted out this:

“What am I doing tonight? Hanging with my family, unaffected, and thinking about this.  #onward

You know who probably wanted to be there with your “family,” but wasn’t? The wife that stayed with you through your cancer battle, who you then cheated on with Sheryl Crow.

Yes, I’m sure you’re terrible unaffected. That’s why you chose to tweet about the fact that the whole world can no longer deny that you’re a cheating, lying phony who makes Barry Bonds look like a choir boy.

Also, nice job linking your charitable foundation, which I’m sure you were “thinking about” when the allegations came out. Everyone knows that Livestrong is great, but hiding behind it doesn’t change what everybody now knows –  you are a bad person. Simply because you started a wonderful foundation – which you did – doesn’t make up for the fact that inside you’re a horrible human being.

Am I taking this too far? I really don’t think so. The sheer defiance and lunacy of this guy, plus the deception of winning his titles, should be enough to have him behind bars. Lots of people survive cancer Lance, and they’re brave. Lots of people raise money for cancer research too, and they should be applauded. But if those people perjured, stole, cheated and disrespected the entire world, we wouldn’t consider them good people.

That’s what you did. I know all this, and I don’t even care about cycling.

Oh, by the way, nice work with that Sheryl Crow thing. It turns out that she actually helped out the feds in the case against you, you delusional clown.


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