Sports

Handing Out Oscar Awards to NFL Players

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All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women are merely players. Or something like that. Applying this reasoning to the NFL, I’ve decided to hand out Oscar awards to NFL players and teams. Bare with me here, they will surely give you a chuckle.

Best Picture: Best picture has to go to the Ravens Super Bowl run. At one point this season they were missing arguably their three best defenders. One of them, Ray Lewis, comes back for the playoffs and they win three straight on the road to land a Super Bowl berth. They would go on to win the Super Bowl.

Actor - In A Leading Role: This was an easy one. The Oscar goes to: Russell Wilson. Seriously, who saw his magical first season coming? Even if you were one of three people across the nation to predict him taking the starting job, you surely didn’t expect him to compete for Rookie of the Year.

Actress - In A Leading Role: This honour goes to the twice released, in less than a month, Titus Young. The primadonna receiver earned the honour by sucker punching a teammate, lining up in the wrong spot on purpose and asking his team to cut him. Well done Titus.

Actor - In A Supporting Role: Unfortunately this one goes to Alex Smith. He led his team to a 6-2 record and was having the best season of his career, then lost his job to a concussion. He is now reportedly on his way out of San Francisco in a trade. Poor Alex.

Actress - In A Supporting Role: Rex Ryan’s tattoo of his wife Tebowing in a Mark Sanchez jersey. Do I have to say more?

Short Film - Live Action: Tim Tebow’s role with the New York Jets gets this honour. Even with Mark Sanchez putting up one of the worst season’s in the history of the position of quarterback, Tebow didn’t get a chance to start. He looked great in his role as a punt blocker. No way he comes back to New York next season.

Writing - Adapted Screenplay: This one goes to the Atlanta Falcons. As per usual they were fantastic in the regular season, but adapted their postseason routine by actually winning one game. Then blew a lead in the conference final, to look like the Falcons we know and love.

Best Fictional Film: Yes... Yes I did make this award up. Joe Flacco was able to convince millions he is an elite quarterback, and is about to convince the Ravens to pay him like one. Best fiction piece ever.

You can follow J.D. Burke: @JDBurkeOV