Sports

Green Bay Packers Offer 30,000 More Shares of Worthless Stock

| by Alex Groberman

If people are giving you money for absolutely nothing, why would you stop taking it?

As a result of the feeding frenzy that their earlier offering of public stock created three weeks ago, the Green Bay Packers have decided to make another 30,000 shares available for anyone looking to throw away additional dough. Back in the first week of December, don’t forget, America’s only publicly owned sports franchise peddled 250,000 shares for $250 a pop (plus transactional fees) to fans who wanted to feel like they owned a piece of the defending champs when in reality they didn't.

“The support from our fans has been outstanding, and we appreciate their enthusiasm,” Mark Murphy, the team’s president and CEO, said Tuesday in a statement. “We continue to receive interest in the offering, and this increase in the number of available shares will help ensure that we are able to accommodate all those who want to become shareholders.”

This latest offering will end either on Feb. 29 or when all of the remaining shares are sold – whichever comes first.

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As we reported on Opposing Views earlier this month, each share of Packers stock is worth approximately three cents. Not that it matters, of course, because you’re not permitted to re-sell the shares anyway. Plus, in what can only be described as an “added bonus,” owning shares also means the following:

  1. You can get fined for nothing. The fine print that most don’t read en route to scooping up shares like they're candy notes that as soon as you buy the team’s stock, the commissioner can fine you for conduct detrimental to the welfare of the league. "If the Commissioner of the NFL decides that a shareholder of an NFL member club has been guilty of conduct detrimental to the welfare of the NFL then, among other things, the Commissioner has the authority to fine such shareholder in an amount not in excess of $500,000."
  2. You can get fined for gambling. If you are a shareholder and are found to have wagered on a game, you can be fined $5,000 and forced to sell your stock (earning you the nothing that it’s worth).
  3. It’s worth nothing.

Meanwhile, the powers that be in Green Bay are laughing all the way to the bank.

All in all, 280,000 shares sold would raise the defending champions a grand total of $70 million.

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