Sports

God Will Make Sure that Tim Tebow Wins this Weekend, Right?

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I couldn’t help but wonder last week, “What the heck am I going to write about if the Denver Broncos lose and Tim Tebow isn’t playing anymore?” I thought last weekend was going to be it and Denver would be watching the Conference Championship round from home, but Tebow and the Broncos managed to beat the Pittsburgh Steelers in overtime. 11 seconds of overtime to be exact as God didn’t mess around and just ended it quickly.

Apparently God tried to be inconspicuous and injure half the Steelers’ starters, but when that didn’t work he had to put the hammer down and just end it.

While watching four consecutive reruns of Family Guy last night and polishing off a half gallon of vanilla bean ice cream and an entire bottle of Drambuie, I closed my eyes and asked God if the Broncos would win this weekend. I think God was busy because I could swear I heard Muzak for a bit and I kinda lost track of time. To be honest, I don’t know what the hell happened there and I’m really kinda foggy on the circumstances for about two hours I can’t account for. Anyway, I eventually got through to the Big Guy and asked him if Tebow in the Broncos would beat the New England Patriots Saturday night. There was a lot of back and forth that I really don’t care to get into right now, but in short, doing his best Joe Namath, God guaranteed the victory.

Given that I’m an atheist I was kinda surprised that God would take my question to begin with, and now that he did I’m not sure what to do with the information. Denver is a 13.5 point road dog here and my gut tells be to take the points. It’s occurred to me however that being an atheist, God may have just messing with me and trying to get me to shoot my load on Denver knowing full well that Wes Welker, Aaron Hernandez and that suave porn star wanna-be Rob Gronkowski might spend the evening partying in the Denver end zone with the ball.

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My dog Wilson and I always bet on NFL playoff games. There’s a long story behind that, but let’s just say that it’s sort of a bond we have so I can’t just take no action. Wilson would be pissed if I did that. I’ve decided that I’m going to go with God on this one and take the 13.5 points, but I’m also going to hedge and take the over (51.5), just in case Tom Brady lights it up. I don’t know how many of you hedge when you deal with God, I just thought it was the prudent thing to do and Wilson seems to agree.

Hopefully Wilson and I will be Tebowing after the game.