Sports

Why is Jim Harbaugh So Sensitive About the 49ers Defense?

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Can somebody get Coach Harbaugh some NyQuil or something? This guy just will not give it a rest. Smoke some weed. Watch daytime TV. Do whatever it takes to relieve a little stress, because right now every time you talk it sounds like you’re getting ready for WrestleMania.

If you thought Pete Carroll was leading the league in being pumped and jacked all the time, then you are sorely mistaken. Between nearly tearing Jim Schwartz’s arm off his shoulder and constantly using strange phrases like “mighty men,” Harbaugh is first in the NFL in sheer lunacy.

What a nutjob. A good leader, and a good coach it seems, but a nutjob nonetheless. Here’s what Kevin Gilbride, the offensive coordinator for the Giants, said yesterday about the what makes the 49ers’ front seven so good:

“Ability. That’s it. They have great players,” Gilbride said. “They’re tremendous, they’re tough. They have great speed on the outside, (Justin) Smith is a beast on the inside — he’s strong, he does as good a  by Text-Enhance">job (as anybody) of grabbing a hold of offensive linemen and allowing those twists to take place. He never gets called for it, so he gets away with murder.

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“That, in conjunction with the ability level they have, makes them as formidable as anybody we go against, and we go against some pretty good ones in Dallas’ and Philadelphia’s. They’re as good as anybody up front.”

Seems innocent, right? Well Straitjacket Harbaugh did not like that one bit:

“Kevin Gilbride’s outrageous, irrational statement regarding Justin Smith’s play is, first, an absurd analogy.

“Second, it is an incendiary comment targeting one of the truly exemplary players in this league. It’s obvious that the Giants coaching staff’s sole purpose is to use their high visibility to both criticize and influence officiating.”

Calm the hell down you psycho. People say things like “he gets away with murder” as an analogy all the time. They’re not trying to make an insensitive comment about victims of murder or something. It is not an “absurd analogy.” It’s a very common analogy.

Secondly, Gilbride complimented the 49ers like he owed them money and didn’t want them to come after him while he slept. Every comment he made was glowing. They’re tough, have great speed, Justin Smith is a beast, they’re as good as anybody up front. He just so happened to mention how Smith is good at holding linemen and using that to his advantage without the officials seeing. Everybody does that. Look at the film. Offensive linemen, defensive linemen, corners, safeties, whoever. It happens on every play. Smith just happens to be really good at it, which is just something else you add to the list of things he does better than everyone else.

So really, it was not meant as disrespectful. And I don’t even like the Giants. In fact, I hate the Giants. But Gilbride was just answering the question. There was nothing “incendiary” about it. Besides, the Giants already own all the officials anyway (see: Super Bowl XLII).

Someone needs to get Harbaugh his medication – and get it fast – or he’s going to hurt himself and everyone else in the stadium on Sunday. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when he shows up with joker paint on his face and yells “HERE’S JIMMY!” into the cameras or something. I’m telling you, he’s not right in the head.

When your tight end has to defend your coach by saying “He’s not crazy,” then he’s probably crazy.

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