Sports

South Carolina's Steve Spurrier Doesn’t Want Smokers or Fat People on Coaching Staff

| by Alex Groberman

What’s the only thing worse than a person who absolutely reeks of vile, irritating cigarette smoke? A greasy fat person, of course. And because both types of people are equally repugnant, University of South Carolina head football coach Steve Spurrier doesn’t want either on his coaching staff. As noted by the school's beat writer Josh Kendall via Twitter (via Larry Brown Sports):

Asked Steve Spurrier criteria for hiring asst. coach. Second on list: "non-smokers" Why? "Because it's stupid. Smoking is stupid."

In addition to looking for non-smokers, Steve Spurrier says he doesn't want "fat, sloppy guys" as assistant coaches.

Makes sense. However, Spurrier decided that just rejecting the smokers and fatties wasn’t enough. Some unwanted, undesirable people might still slip through the cracks, after all. So he went ahead and added another bit of criteria:

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Sorry no link yet but Spurrier story also details why he likes married coaches more than single ones. You'll like that one, too.

Well, obviously. And since the smokers and fatties probably can’t find anyone to love them anyway -- what with their stench and inherent greasiness -- the married folk-only stipulation should perfectly narrow down the field.

Enjoy having a coaching staff comprised of these guys, South Carolina fans:

(Kudos to Larry Brown Sports for the find)

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