We've got one month to kill before college football comes back into our lives, and since I am known as a helpful and informative person (probably not true), I'm gonna offer you thorough reviews of each SEC stadium. And by thorough review, I mean I'll be using my exceptional bias, Google reviews, and lots of colored lines hand drawn on Google maps.
My qualifications for such an endeavor are that I've been to all the SEC stadiums but Missourah's, usually to witness a skull-dragging of Ole Miss, and I can look up stuff on Google Maps pretty quickly. I suggest that you file these informative reports away for your road trip destinations this season so you won't end up like that pair of Oklahoma State fans I saw walking around a couple of miles away from the old Cotton Bowl, waiting to be murdered.
To keep you from becoming disoriented, you need to know where things are in relation to the stadium. Once you master the lay of the land, you can maximize your time engaging in various pre-game activities and, most importantly, avoid asking Vanderbilt fans questions because THEY AREN'T THERE.
This guide should help you move seamlessly around the stadium.
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Vandy fans historically travel light to their own stadium, so unless you're within two blocks of the stadium or wandering through the fraternity and sorority section of campus, you'll have no idea a football game is being played. But, don't worry, traffic will still have the feel of a game day because Nashville's traffic is only not horrible between the hours of 3 AM and 3:30 AM.
I've said this many times before, but one of the worst parts of going to a game at Vanderbilt is the absolute miserable quality of football you have to watch. Vanderbilt has this special ability to drag good visiting teams down into the suck, creating three and a half hours you wish you could spend doing something else. And if your team is already terrible, you will slip into a state of deep thought in which you will question what choices in life you made that have brought you here.
Oh, and if the schedule calls for you to go to Vanderbilt early in the season when it's still nice and hot, and you get the JP kickoff time, multiply the misery by 6,000%. That, my friends, is football hell.
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Once you've finished your pregame festivities and make your way to the stadium, it's important to know where to look for things. With that in mind, here's an in-stadium guide.
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Seriously, some people will actually watch Vanderbilt football from a parking garage. It's a rare group of people that enjoys being cheap, miserable, and can't quite tell if Larry Smith's pass short-hopped the receiver or sailed into the third row.
But enough of my bias. What about the people? The segment of the population who are Vanderbilt fans, can work the Internets, and take the time to write a Google review. What do they have to say?
OH, SNAP! ZING, YOU BLACK AND GOLD SONS OF BITCHES.
So, in review, Dudley Stadium (I missed the memo where we no longer call it Vanderbilt Stadium) is more like a dump, high school-ish, if you will, and home to the street fightinest head coach in the country.
Get more great analysis over at Belly of the Beast.